Just Press Ctrl Z

Chapter 11: Shadow of Doubt

Shadow of Doubt

~

The sun cast a warm glow as Zen wandered side by side with Julian through the university campus. Their steps led them to the tennis court, and they sat down on the weathered benches, facing the court where other students were engrossed in rigorous training, the sound of sneakers on the court and occasional grunts of effort filling the air. Amidst the hustle, Julian's voice gently broke the air. "Zen, are you always this outgoing and confident?"

Zen laughed, waving her hands dismissively. "Oh, I'm not nearly as outgoing as you might think."

"You seem cool and strong, unlike most people. I feel comfortable being myself around you," Julian said, gazing earnestly at her as he spoke. He then glanced downwards, absently fiddling with his sleeves.

Zen couldn't help but notice how his oversized sweater seemed to wrap around him, almost as if it was giving him a comforting shield. "Enough about me. Tell me more about yourself," she insisted.

"Me? There's not much to tell. I'm kind of dull, honestly," Julian replied, a faint smile gracing his lips.

"Absolutely not. You're far from dull. We have plenty to chat about. Like what's your favourite colour or what kind of books do you read – what makes it special to you?" Zen suggested, aiming to encourage Julian to open up.

A sigh escaped Julian's lips. "I don't really have a favourite colour, and I'm not much of a reader. I'm weird, aren't I?"

"You're not weird, Julian," Zen said, leaning forward, a reassuring smile gracing her lips as her eyes locked with Julian's.

"You're the second person who has said that to me," Julian said, barely above a whisper.

"You said something?"

"No, anyway, Zen, what do you usually do? Like a hobby? Or anything that interests you?" Julian inquired.

"For the most part, not much. I write stories from time to time."

"So you're a writer?" Julian asked, his eyes brightening with fascination.

"More of a ghost-writer. I enjoy writing, but often it's just a means to support myself somehow. But I'm not writing anything for the time being. Campus life and the exhaustion got to me."

"But still. I really appreciate that about you, Zen. You're out there doing something, unlike some of us."

"Don't look down on yourself, Julian," Zen said, hoping to encourage him.

"It's just... your confidence is something else. I wish I had even a fraction of that. Sometimes I feel like people don't like me for who I am or what I enjoy."

"Everyone's different. From what I see, you're just scared of expressing your feelings because you think others will judge you for it. If you want to do something, just do it. Don't be scared of what other people think. Sometimes, it's okay to admit, I like this. This is what makes me angry. This is what makes me happy even if no one's listening to you. Just be you, okay?"

"Thanks, Zen. A personality like yours is hard to find in girls. To be honest, I'm a little envious."

"Don't be. Trust me, it's been quite a journey for me to get to this point. You wouldn't want to walk in those shoes," Zen responded, a hint of sadness and pain flickering briefly in her eyes as if recalling an unwanted memory. "So, Julian, do you have a girlfriend?" She decided to steer the conversation towards a lighter topic.