Thoughts...

Thought...

As I think about it...all the friends i have...i really wanted to know each and single one of them...especially some people i actually have things in common with.But evertime i throw an event at my home like a hang out...party...or whatever i woul eventually invite 3-6 friends over.But what happens when i try to hang out with all of them at an event...i just get left out...at my own event...how sad you might say...well now that i think about it...it always happens to me...and only me...When i really want to hangout with one friend with similar qualities as me that friend woyld meet my other friend then they would get along just fine...but i really wantedto hang out woth tat friend but...i got rejected for another...I just cant do anything but see how much they talk and have fun together...Then im left alone with my other friends...Sure i like them and all but i really wanted.ti he close with that one friend since i already know everyone else...But it never happened...After my event was over at the next day they exchamged everything...numbers...wattpads...
everything...
I was suppose to be happy and fun at this event but i never.actually was haooy at all...
Is it because im a jealous friend...
No...that cant be it...
But as they left my house...i bet they will become best friends...and forget all about me...How they met...where they met...and who invited them all and made them friends...left alone...i sat on my bed and stared at the ceiling...
Thinking...why couldn't i be a cool kid...the one i could've talked to...
Did i make...a mistake?
Was it a mistake to have invited her?...
No...everything happens for a reason...even in bad situations like.this.one i experiences...
I had to go through this 3 times...
Trust me...i couldn't get this feelig off my chest but now...i just keep thinking about it...
Was i better off not being a friend to her?
Or was it at the right itme and place...
I will never know...was i meant to be her friend...or not...

This though always flowed in my head...
And i have ti admit...
I am a jelous friend...
I actually get emotional inside...when i get rejected by my own friends...
You dont know.how this actually feels like...
I was dying on the inside but i held a smile on the outside...to keeo from my.other friends worrying about this stupid problems of mine...

Just because of friends....

Im positive i will never do this again...for i have now learned from my mistakes in the oast and i now had enough...

Next time...im only inviting
1-2 friends...
And if that fails next time...
Well...
I will think about never doing it again...
I hate it when im left like this...friendless...

People just dont know how i actually feel on the inside...

Well...until knowi guess...

I wont tell people about my book...I will just let people who find this book read it for themselves...I dont care who reads it...I wont try to spread my book around...but i dont care what other people do about this book...its just my thoughts...wont harm anyone right...