MOZAIK

3

My heart was pounding so loudly, I was afraid everyone could hear it. Restlessly I was walking up and down the backstage area and wiped my sweaty hands on my pants again and again. Today was the big day of the tour kick-off. 

I had never expected to be nervous like that. After all, I was used to being the center of attention. But a live performance was then again a completely different thing, from just standing in front of a camera. "Come on, you need to calm down.", Vic tried to talk to me. 

Maybe I should take the next train home, I thought to myself. I mean, it was only 3 hours from Milan to Rome. Then I would be able to spend the rest of the day in my bed in front of the TV and then fall asleep in peace. That would be so nice. 

"In 10 minutes we're starting the sound check.", I heard Ethan calling in our direction. My heart began racing even faster and I must have put a startled expression on my face, so Vic pulled me into a hug, quickly. "Come on, Benni. You are great. We are going to rock that shit together.", she said and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I tried to take another deep breath before we headed towards the stage.

The hall was yawningly empty except for a couple of technicians, but the sheer size caused my knees to get weak.

Vic started slamming the first notes of the song "Read you diary" and I gladly managed to somehow join in and play the chords I was supposed to. I was extremely relieved when I also finished the guitar solo without making any mistakes. When I looked up to play the final chords, I noticed Damiano's irritated look. 

"Benni", he laughed, "You're standing there like a freakin' wax figure. We talked about doing some freestyle moves, remeber? And I mean your last movie was about dancing, so you must have learned some moves there, haven't you?"

I felt my cheeks flush. I had concentrated so much on my guitar play, that I had apparently just stood in one spot and haven't moved my body. Of course, we had rehearsed intensively in the last few days and Vic and Damiano had also tried to show me a few of their movements that they would usually bring up on stage. But it was kind of hard for me to let myself go so lasciviously in front of a huge audience. "In my last movie I was doing ballet.", I grumbled at Damiano. 

"I know, sweetie.", he said winking. "Just imagine you're playing another role, but this time not a ballet dancer, but I don't know..., a stripper or a rock star would also be an option. Just imagine you are playing me.", he grinned, wearing the biggest smile I had ever seen.

"Than I would have to act out both roles, hu?", I joked due to the fact, that he was dressed only with a skimpy shorts.

"Both is even better. I'm fine with that.", he said.

Next we played "For your love" and I even managed walking a few steps and moving my hips copying some movements from Vic.

"That was great.", Damiano clapped his hands towards us.

Then he complained to the sound engineer for his own voice being to quite and we continued playing the songs from the setlist,  until I had loosend up more and more.

We went backstage where we changed into our stage clothes. I was supposed to wear an old costume of Vic's, since I didn't have my own stage clothes until now. Since I had vehemently refused to wear something where all of Milan would be able to see my exposed breasts, we agreed that I would wear a leather corset and a matching pair of leather shorts. 

"Wow, that outfit is very revealing.", I said in a somewhat uncertain tone of voice. It wasn't that I had never worn anything like that before, but that had usually been at a shoot where I hadn't had 10,000 pairs of eyes on me.

"Promiscuous girl, wherever you are. I'm all alone and it's you that I want", Vic started singing Nellys lyrics to make fun of my insecurities. "Promiscuous girl, you're teasing me.", she pointed her finger at me: "You know what I want, and I got what you need."

I rolled my eyes at her, while I squeezed my ankles into my leather boots and then said something like: "Oh Victoria, you are such a wonderful singer. Why don't you perform some Nelly Furtado songs on stage today?"

"I honestly wouldn't mind.", she stated while shrugging her shoulders. "I mean during rehearsals we have played all our songs countless times and I could really use some variety." She went on: "But at least you bring in some variety, I'm really happy about that. Even though I love Thomas and miss him already."

We began to prepare our makeup. Vic helped me to apply the black eyeliner especially thick, so that it would be visible even from the last row. The closer the show came, the more my hands began to shake. Vic noticed that too, when I accidentally almost poked her in the eye with the brush while I was applying eyeshadow on her eyelids. "Hey you just tried to stab me?! Do you want to take over the bass, too?", she joked, but looked at me in concern. "Seriously Benni, don't be worried. You did a great job today and I am absolutely convinced that you will do so later on."

"Everybody's ready to rumble?", Damiano barged in. 

I was startled and winced so that I almost stuck the brush in Vic's eye for a second time. She gave me the look and just shook her head.

"Our little baby here is still nervous as f***. Dami, we seriously need to calm her down somehow!", Vic groaned. 

"What is your suggestion, then?", Damiano asked. "Feeding her a bottle of champagne?"

"I don't think that's a good idea.", I waved it off. "I'll be fine."

Vic had just finished her makeup. "Could you check, if Ethan is done with his makeup?", Damiano asked her. "Sure.", Vic got up from her chair and left the room.

"Come here.", Damiano grabbed my wrist and placed me on his lap. His face was now so close to mine, that I could feel his warm breath on my cheek, while he talked: "Benedetta, I am so grateful that you are supporting us on tour. Believe me, it's going to be great. Once you're on stage, you're already used to it and you're going to have the time of your life."

As much as I wanted to believe him, I couldn't. My body was giving me signals that I just couldn't turn off. "Trust me.", he said in a low voice, looking me deeply into the eyes. "I do.", I whispered. "You Promise?", he asked intrusivelly. I nodded while we were still holding eye contact. 

What happened next, I had not seen coming. He first stroked my hair and than started caressing my cheek just to end up pulling my face closer to his so our foreheads touched. He then gently placed his lips on mine. I almost gasped in surprise. What the heck was going on? When he finally let go of me, he smiled softly. I was not sure how I should behave now and therefore put on an insecure smile. 

"Are you feeling better now?", he asked cheekily. "It definitely didn't help my nervousness.", I laughed.

"Well, it was worth a try.", he shrugged and winked at me.