Goodbye sandy.

Sandy.

Hey,
Im Mary, my bestfriend of 13 years, Sandy took her own life.
Sandy,the girl with the Blonde hair.
Sandy, the girl who forced her smile
Sandy, the girl who doesn't act her age
Sandy, the girl who actually cared.
Im writing this for the memories we had. In case I forget about them or even worse forget about her.
I don't want to forget anything. Her laugh, her silk blonde hair, her dark green hypnotising eyes or even her voice could all fade away at any moment.
Sandy, Sandy, Sandy. Everyone called her ugly or weird looking.
Sandy with the big nose
Sandy with the small ears
Sandy with the weird teeth.
But to me she was the most prettiest thing. She was the best person to ever exist. Sadly her dad only searched for flaws in her and the brother always hated on her. But she still loved them. Like she loved everyone. Like she loved everything.
After her Mothers death I knew she was devastated, her Mom was the only one who always defended her in the family.
Through her Mothers death and all the pain, she smiled. She acted like everything was fine. But I know that day a piece inside of her broke.
Sandys favourite colour was brown. Brown and pink.
It's an odd mashup. Just like her but that made her perfect. She loved indie pop but she liked heavy metal better. She liked singing but she liked dancing better. She liked everything. The word „hate" wasn't a word in her vocabulary. Even in the worst possible outcomes she always saw the positive side of things. She was the light to my darkness. The charger to my phone. She was someone you needed.
Problem was, she never needed anyone, well never wanted to need anyone. She always acted so immaturely but when it came face to face suddenly she knew what to do and what to say. She didn't wanna grow up, she didn't wanna be old. So she ended it before it was too late.
Sandy was around 5'6 and quite skinny. She never said if she liked herself or not. Between all the bullying and hate people were giving her she didn't really seem to care. But deep inside I know she did.
Sandy, liked taking pictures of the sunset.
Sandy, liked taking pictures of the animals.
Sandy, liked taking pictures of the water.
She liked walking around the lake but not the official parts. She liked the forest and grass parts, the ones that are all grown over the place.
Sandy didn't care if she got dirt on her face, clothes or her whole body. It was natural „Humans used to cover themselves in dirt all the time" She always said that. Physical touch was her second name. She always held my hand or dragged me through fields of flowers or even the deepest forests. „It's not dangerous until you make it out to be" Thats the thing she wanted to get tattooed one day. She never had a clear opinion about Alcohol,vaping or drugs. She drank now and than but not to a bad habit. Accessories were her favourite thing. Earrings, necklaces, rings, she did them all herself so she liked them even more. She loved writing essays and stories sometimes she even tried to draw and paint but she wasn't certainly good at it. But she didn't care about that she always used other things to express her feelings rather than  to talk about them. Sandy was always somewhere deep in her mind. Deep in Music especially.
She loved playing the guitar. „Music is the best thing we idiots invented haha". I agree. I always agreed to her. She always tried to understand both sides. No matter how weird or controversial the topic got. She was the example of "a shoulder to lean on". When you needed help she would drop everything just to somehow be helpful. But she came with an attitude. She was the equivalent of „"treat people how they treat you". She didn't care if it was a teacher, an adult, a kid or whatever. She gave the same vibe back. People would call her mean or offensive but she really wasn't. She never really got in trouble because of it her dad would probably have a go at her if she ever did.
She loved fall. It was her all time favourite season. Summer was fine as well for her. She liked the warm days where she could sit at the lake all day and listen to music or even read sometimes. Well, she had a lot of books she was a literal book worm. Every 2 weekends she would need a new book.
Sandy, the girl who's always in her own world
Sandy, the girl who's always reading
Sandy the girl who's always listening to music.
She always had a little polo camera with her. As said she loved taking pictures. Another things she loved were plants.
Her whole room was filled with plants and veins over the ceiling. And pretty looking stones she found. She would randomly stop while going out and say „Pretty stone!" and would put in her bag and take them home. When she was around 10ish years old she gave them all names and personality traits. She was very protective of Animals like she couldn't even Kill a fly without feeling bad afterwards. She loved Deers and Butterflies, She had this butterfly keychain attached to the keys of her house and a small poster of Bambi in her room. I gave it to her many years ago i remember her being so happy about it. She loved Disney movies all of them. She always wanted to be a princess that's probably why she had so many random white dresses. She even dressed up as a princess for a carnival back in kindergarden.
if there was a problem she was open to talk about the issue and not ignore it. Me and Sandy obviously had our arguments some harder some easier to solve but in the end we always figured it out and found a solution. Together...
We were always together.
We were that duo.
We were „the 2 girls"
Reading was a big part of her life. She liked reading books, articles and even conspiracy theories. She barely watched Tv the only times she did were with me when I would force her to watch something on Netflix or so.
Writing this makes me feel like she's till here. Here with me...
I feel so empty without her. Like a part of me was ripped out of my heart. Not just any part...
The biggest part.
School hasn't been the same ever since she left me. People post stories and TikToks about her even tho most of them were a reason to why shes gone. My school is adding a bunch of "Anti suicide" into their program now and they use Sandy as the big example. Sandy shouldn't be the picture of suicide Sandy should be the picture of an amazing and caring person she was.
Her family acts all sad and is blaming me and the school when all of them where also an impact to her feeling the need to leave this world.
Without Sandy its all so quiet. All the colours in the forest fade away and sitting at the lake feels like laying in the dessert. Whenever I see a Butterfly I think that its her reincarnated like she's guiding me through life even tho she is no longer with me. She was the best guide someone could have. She had advice that no one else could come up with no matter how complicated the problem was.
The wind feels dirty ever since she's gone.
Sandys gone
Sandys away
Sandy is
Dead.
I hope the memories I capture here wont die with her.