-EVERYTHING AND MORE-

1-pilot

**TW- abuse**

SONG- two slow dancers; mitski

-Anastasia-

❦

I've never felt true love

Most parents become different people when they come home from work, switching out of business mode

Mine were always in business mode, it didn't make it any better to know that business was leading an entire bravta

(E: Bravta is jus a Russian ver of mafia)

I grew up with machines and was stripped from my personality before I could even develop it

I was raised to behave.

Speak when spoken to. Don't look into others eye that are superior to you, clean, cook, do not cry, and never voice my opinions or discomforts.

I was taught to be a house wife to perfection at the age of 10 and have been a robot for the next ten years to come

My house hold was very disciplinary, if I break any of these rules, I get punished.

My father is a angry man and my mom is.

Well

Everything I need to be

Not necessarily want, but have to be

She is perfect in the sense of looking at her on the outside

There's never a hair out of place, she has a perfect physique, her nails brows and lashes are always done, she's gone to the top schools in Russia, and she has no bad track record in the media

They have titled her "the wife sent from god"

If god was some evil mastermind then that would be a true statement

She would stand there and do nothing as my father was cruel to me as a child

She would stand there when I was a teenager

And she would stand there as I turned into an adult

I'm another copy of her in a way

With my family and where we come from this is normal

My father had no heart in him. He didn't love my mother, he didn't love his parents, and he certainly did not love me

He didn't love anyone but himself

I've endured this hell since the day I was born

I turned 20 two days ago

I got a happy birthday cupcake on my night stand from one of the cooks, selana

She's been working for our family since I was a baby, she's closer to me than my own mother and I find myself calling her my grandmother

She was there when I could go sneak out of my room and night and cry my eyes out into her shoulder when I was a little girl

But my mother caught on