Acolyte

Chapter Eight

JANUARY

"So, are humans not okay with girls that like girls?"

My head whips around to face Solana. We're walking back to my hut from dinner.

"What do you mean?" I ask, heart racing. Why is she bringing this up? What made her think of this?

"You know, women that... lie... with other women."

I shake my head, looking around to make sure no one has heard her, "You can't talk about that out here," I say.

She looks confused, but we arrive at the hut and I basically shove her inside the door. She looks at me, clearly shocked by my reaction.

"So clearly humans aren't..." she says, "but, are you?" She sits down on the bed.

I stand, shifting from foot to foot, wringing my hands. Solana stares up at me expectantly.

"Well..." I trail off. What should I say? What if she knows? What if she figures it out? I look back at her. It's Solana. I can trust her, it even seems like she may be understanding.

"I am okay with it," I say, the words seeming to rush out and take an agonizingly long time simultaneously. That's all I say.

Solana nods, "That's good to know," she says, "At the temple, it was completely normal for maidens to lie with each other. I did it all the time."

Immediately, I feel my cheeks turn a bright red. I look away from Solana, averting my eyes towards the floor. She's been with other women? Images immediately flood my mind, I try to push them out.

"Oh," I say, "Really?" I look up at her briefly, but can't bring myself to make eye contact and look back down at the floor.

Solana laughs, "Yes, really. It's completely normal among the elves."

"Oh," I say. I don't know what else to say. Images keep flooding into my mind- Solana in the temple with some other woman, rolling around in soft lighting and silk sheets. I close my eyes tightly, trying to make it go away.

"Are you alright?" she asks, concern in her voice.

I snap out of it.

"Yes," I say, "I'm fine."

"I'm sorry," she says, "I didn't think you'd react like this."

"Why?" I ask, "Why did you think that?" My heart is pounding. Is she onto me? I'm beginning to think she is.

"I'm sorry," she says, hurt, "I just did. We don't have to talk about it anymore."

I feel bad, but my heart still pounds, in fight or flight. I sit down on the bed, finally.

"I think we should go to sleep," I say. I take off my top shirt and shoes, and throw the blankets over myself. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Solana staring at me, clearly still confused by my reaction. I can't tell her. I can't tell her yet.

I can't bring myself to look at her as she takes down her hair, like I do most nights. Instead, I stare into the fire, watching as it burns down into coals.

As Solana lies down, I try to shut my eyes, fall asleep. Once again, I see Solana. Her pale skin is completely uncovered, except by her flowing hair. I can't look away. She's beautiful.

My eyes snap open, and I look back into the fire. Maybe I won't sleep then, if it means I'll have to see that.

Eventually my eyes shut on their own and I get a few hours of sleep. I wake up in a panic, almost gasping for breath. Solana is still asleep, and in a panic, I slip on my boots, pull on a fur overshirt, and slip out the door.