Chapter Nine

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JANUARY

I wake up to my stomach rumbling. Solana's warm body presses against mine, still peacefully sleeping. I watch her face, expecting shame to come, expecting to want to push her away. It doesn't, though. I've never felt less shame, less wrong. I wrap my arm around her, pulling her closer to me. She doesn't wake.

My stomach continues rumbling, so eventually I wiggle myself out of bed, put on clothes, and slip outside to grab some meat.

Back inside, I stoke the fire and throw the slabs into my skillet, sizzling. The hut fills with the delicious smell of the cooking fat. I toss the slices around on the pan some, then decide they're ready.

I look towards Solana, still sleeping like a baby. I wonder if I should wake her up or let her sleep. I'd hate to disturb her.

As if she can hear my thoughts, Solana begins to stir, her light eyelashes fluttering open.

"Mmm," she says, sleepily, "What is that smell?"

I smile, sliding the bacon onto a plate and sitting up next to her on the bed, "It's bacon. For you!"

She smiles, "You're amazing." She's still completely naked, just covered by the fur blankets wrapped around her. She takes the plate from me, sitting up and letting the blankets fall off. I can't take my eyes off of her. She follows my gaze, smiling at me coyly.

"I'm sorry," I say quickly, averting my eyes and blushing.

Solana laughs, "It's alright. It's cute how excited you are."

I blush even more. I'm not used to being called cute.

"Thank you," I say, "For uh, last night. I've never felt like that before."

Solana smiles, "You don't have to thank me. But next time, you'll have a lot to learn."

"Oh!" I say, surprised. I hadn't even thought about next time. I almost grin, realizing that last night could be a regular occurrence. I do wonder how much there is to learn, though.

The sun is rising, but it feels impossible to get up out of bed, leave the comfort and seclusion of the hut for the hustle and bustle of the village. How can I possibly go act normally when I've been with Solana? When I've actually been with a woman?

And what would the rest of the soldiers think if they knew? They already see me as different because of my sex, how different would I be now?

I try not to think about it. They don't know, there's no way they could.

"I guess we should get ready," I say, looking back at Solana.

She nods, "I suppose so." She seems sad, but gets up from the bed, putting her plate aside and pulling on her robes. Admittedly, I'm sad to see her cover up.

I grab everything I need for the day- canteen, overcoat, dagger. Solana works on her hair. Since working in the hospital, she's started wearing it in a long, single braid that trails down her back. More practical, she says. I like it.

We head to breakfast, huddling together. Any passerby would see two women holding each other to stay warm, but we both know the truth. I smile, thinking about it. As worried as I am, in reality, we're completely incognito.

At breakfast, we brush hands under the table, sharing glances as Seamus tells us about his latest findings as a scribe. Each time I catch her eye I feel a blush cover my face, and I worry Seamus may notice.

Finally, or maybe unfortunately, it's time to head to training. I hate to leave Solana, if it was up to me we'd stay in the hut together all day, but it's good to know a slight touch or giggle won't accidentally expose us to Seamus. At least not this morning.

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