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"Come on girl."I pleaded with Orlando
Orlando was being a bit fussy this morning but I needed her to cooperate with me
I would try at least three times a month to go see Zack.
When he first passed I was so hard on my self. I would go everyday and sit by his grave for hours no matter the weather. even when I was sick I would feel so guilty and beat myself up about it if i didn't
As time went on I could see where I was overdoing it and I learnt to balance better
I had to be strong for my daughter. Although she was still too young to grasp the concept of death I know kids can pick up on energies better than anyone
My daughter didn't deserve to lose her father and mother in one so it was my job to make sure I was there for her in everything
"We going to see dada."I spoke tryna get her into her shorts
"Daddy?"Orlando asked
"Yes."I replied
The weather was nice today so I decided to pack a picnic basket so we could spend some time out there
Going into Orlando's room I grabbed a colouring book some crayons and bubbles so she wouldn't be too bored. I didn't want my baby to be no Ipad kid so the Ipad was not coming with us
"We finna stop by the store so we can get your daddy some flowers."I spoke
Orlando nodded her head like she could understand me causing me to laugh
"Wow baby you look so cute."I smiled giving her kisses all over her face. Her loud giggles filling my heart
"Okay pose so mommy can take a picture."I spoke
Orlando being the diva she was posed with one hand on her hips and a peace sign and pouted lips.
"Okay Orlaaa don't hurt em now."I laughed
I dressed her in a two piece set and styled her hair in two pigtails.
Zack was a sneaker head and before he passed he made sure Orlando had all the fly shoes
I would always get on him for buying shoes that she would grow out of so quickly but now those same shoes were a cherished possession of ours.
Orlando was starting to walk a lot more on her own but we would still mostly use the stroller
I put her in some yezzy slides before grabbing her baby bag. After packing the car it was time for us to hit the road
"What do you wanna listen to Orlando."I spoke looking at her through the mirror
"Nickiiii."She yelled
"Nicki minaj?"I laughed
"Yes mama Minaj."She replied
I laughed at her suggestion. I was expecting her to name one of her favourite movies so we could do the soundtrack but I guess my baby was a barb
"Nicki it is."I laughed
Pulling up to target we made our way to the Flower isle.
I picked up some tulips in a couple of colours.
"Baby what juice do you want."I asked Orlando since I didn't pack any
"Dusse mommy."Orlando yelled
"Girl what."I laughed
"Nah uh I gotta watch what I say around you huh gone have people thinking i'm crazy."I laughed
"How about some apple juice."I suggested
"Yes apple juice really good mommy."Orlando spoke nodding her head in approval
The drive to the cemetery wasn't too long. Once we got out we made our way too where Zacks grave was
I waved at the elderly couple who would be here whenever I came. Bless them they would always tend to their daughters grave
Zacks grave was towards the back of the cemetery. It was a private garden blocked of with a gate that you needed a key to enter
When he was alive Zack was a person who always loved nature and the outside, he would always talk about his dream garden that he unfortunately never got to enjoy. So we made sure that at least in death we fulfilled that dream
"Daddy daddy we here."Orlando yelled running up to his grave stone
"Lemme put down the blanket so you can sit down."I spoke
Laying out the blanket I got our lil set up put together
Pulling out my phone I went in to my camera roll looking for a specific album.
Zacks death wasn't something that happened suddenly when he was diagnosed the doctors told us he had about 5 months left
I didn't want to accept it but Zack knew his time was coming and there's was things he put in place for me and Orlando so we could feel us with him
Zack recorded a lot of videos for us where it would feel like we was having a conversation. For Orlando he recorded a happy birthday video for her for every year until she turnt one hundred
I remembered him filming them and I would laugh at him for going up to 100 but he was determined to get it done and he did
On my birthday every year I would receive flowers that he had pre paid for before he passed. I don't know how much he paid or for how many years but It was so sweet of him
"Can we talk to Daddy."Orlando spoke
Orla my wasn't much of a talker. She was a happy baby who would yell a few words here and there. But when It came to talking about food or her dad she would make an effort to form sentences
"Yes baby daddy is always listening and he's right here."I spoke placing my hands on her heart
"Do you want to colour a picture for daddy first or do you wanna eat."I asked
"Let's eat."Orlanda grinned
I handed her a sandwich as we laughed
After we ate Orlando got too colouring. I started playing me and Zacks wedding playlist, Taking out my journal and some pens I can't lie a few tears escaped my eyes
A year later it hurt just as bad.
"Mommy why you crying."Orlando spoke
"Mommy is sad."I spoke smiling at her innocence
"But you're smiling?"She questioned
"Yes I am."I laughed
"Daddy mommy is confused."Orlando spoke holding her heart
"look feel daddy okay then you feel good."Orlando spoke placing my hands on her heart
