at the drop of a syringe

the arrival.

i stared into the globe in the therapists office. wondering how much of the world i could explore as a ghost, or the undead. 

"Ainsley. Ainsley are you listening to me?"

i snapped back to reality as the therapist called out my name. 

"sorry what?.." i looked at him, not remembering what was happening in such short time to respond. he sighed in response. "why did you do it?" then i remembered. 

the night before. it was like any other fall night, warm, the evening sun falling into the mountains. i watched as the man in the corner stood there, staring at me. all i could see was his white eyes staring at me. he never seemed to move or bother me. he was like a shadow, just.. there. that's when mom walked in and finally told me that they were going to switch my meds. "mom come on!" I yelled loudly. this had been the 27th time they switched my meds. "I'm not a lab rat and I'm not a fucking pill popper!" mom just stared at me in disappointment "You'll be starting tomorrow." i got so upset that i just snapped, the voice in my head tried to calm me, she always did but this time she wasn't going to. i got up and ran past my mother who began running down the stairs after me. i stormed out of the door of our small house on the dock. jumping off the deck and falling into the cold water. i felt fish swim around me and another splash next to me which was my service dog for my schizophrenia and POTS, Mallery. mal for short. she pulled my now unconscious body out of the water. i hit my head on the way in.  according to my mother she pulled mal off and started doing CPR, but considering the claw marks on my chest i think she just started doling it when the cops and ambulance came. 

"Ainsley." 

the therapist called again. "because she wanted to put me on meds that were going to make me a zombie again." the therapist nodded "i think what you need is some very simple treatment." i knew what he meant by that. harmony was talked about alot. it was a facility where women went when they were crazy. i wasnt crazy. i was just sad. i mean come on, who wants to be sane? i looked at him "like...harmony?" he nodded. "yes. but i promise youll be fine. we have alot of good cases from there alot of people say that it was good treatment and rest." i sighed and put out my cigarette in the ashtray. "okay.." the therapist nodded once again. "nurse emma will show u the way." he smiled as the nurse from the hospital came in and took my hand gently, helping me out of the chair, taking mallery's leash and handing it to me. leading me to harmony hospital.