In Silence

SIA

You are the moon in my sky, the chai in my cup, the magic in my life. You are everything I never knew I needed, everything I never dared to dream of.

Dear Sia,

I am not a happy writer; I think you need skills to describe optimism and the will to survive. It's like pain is more familiar to all of us, somehow we don't desire it but we covet it. But we don't want to hear about someone else's pain when we are suffering so much. That's why we write on paper, the typical nice guy, who doesn't judge or complains. Writers around the world use it to their advantage. The things we write paper cries out to the world, the world sympathizes with it. This is exactly why I can't write about you. Because you are not paper, you are not pain, you are not darkness. What can I write about the rain, the butterflies, birds, the color green and lastly the moon? How can I describe the warmth of the blazing sun in winters, or the gentle breeze of a storm in evenings? How can I explain the serenity in chaos that engulfs me? You are everything that words cannot capture, everything that paper cannot contain.

How did we meet? How did we fall in love? Are we alike? Or is it opposites attract? Are we distantly apart or closer than we know? These are questions that I don't have answers for. All I know is that you are here with me now, and that is enough. All I know is that you make me feel things that I never felt before, and that is enough. All I know is that you give me meaning that I never had before, and that is enough. All our life we try to attach meaning to things, but even if I put all the adjectives, all the things that could describe you or leave a grasp of wonder, they would still fall short to explain you.

We live in a world where everyone is hurting, where everyone is struggling, where everyone is searching for something. We live in a world where happiness is rare, where love is scarce, where hope is fragile. We live in a world where people push each other away, where people hurt each other back, where people end up alone.I think we all, in some way or the other fear happiness, like homophobia. We somehow have been accustomed to believe that there is need for suffering. With everyone talking about depression, childhood trauma, and their own struggles, we sometimes fear coming out as happy as being out casted. But we are not like those people. Your happiness to me is contagious, dreamy and it lingers in my head more than it should.

I never feared separation, for me it has always been a part of life. We both have our scars: you have your past, your fears, and your doubts; I have my pain, my suffering, and my darkness. We are different but we are also the same. We are two halves of a whole. We are two souls in one. It's not like I am afraid to lose you, but more like I would think about you more than I should if you are gone.

In the end we all are desperate for love, no matter how much we push away people. We all want to feel what it's like to be loved too much, getting more than what we deserve, someone crossing oceans and mountains for us. Someone telling us, it's okay to be flawed my love. I am not going to leave and means it. In the hope that we don't get hurt we do our best in pushing them away. But it's different about us We don't push each other away. We don't hurt each other back. We don't end up alone. We know how to be happy. We know how to love each other right. We know how to hope for the best.

We both have our dreams: you want to be free, to explore the world on your own; I want to teach somewhere, to share poetry and writing with young minds. We both have our passions: you love nature, art, and adventure; I love words, stories, and emotions.

So let's make a promise: let's be crazy in love and be respectful when it ends. Let's enjoy every moment and cherish every memory. Let's laugh and cry together and support each other always. Let's be honest , faithful and loyal to each other always.

I don't want to remember you with a bad taste after all; you are cloying for someone who has been bitter all his life. For this once even if it's a lie I want to believe it. Even if it's an illusion I want to be a part of it; I want to act surprised at the end of the magic act as if I never knew the trick.

Let's just remember that once upon a time we were happy together. Let's just remember that once upon a time we loved each other too much.

And let's just remember that once upon a time you were the moon in my sky.

Yours,

A