In Silence

OBSESSION

I bleed everywhere, when I don't even know where it hurts. My heart aches for things I cannot have. Sometimes I understand how slow obsession is, it grows on you like a mold. No matter how much you dug your nails deep into your skin, peel it off, there will something somewhere remaining. It would either die down or will turn into something that withers everything inside to dust.

The things you love and the pain they cause are obsessions which are most difficult to run away from. It's been days since I last  talked with her; don't know when the next will be. Patience is a virtue of god, I am not a god. I measly butterfly chasing flowers, flapping my wings hard trying to escape the taste of flower I got addicted to. Death seems peaceful to me, I wish I could crush the flower but I am in love with the flower, the thought of hurting her renders me helpless. Leaves me obsessed and paralyzed taking my ability to do anything. I am striving my best to become a bird, so I can keep the flower safe with me. I wish she was just a flower with enough efforts I could obtain or be with her. But she is a winged pollen in a storm, finding its way to the ground where it will bloom. What should I do, should go to the eye of the storm and alter the course of her destiny, but that's the happy ending I want but not her. To be left alone and completely let go, I wish I could but the mold somewhere settled into my heart.

"I wish...I could have her"

"but having her and losing yourself isn't that too much of a gamble"

"Isn't it the purpose of love? To desolate your existence."

"Or maybe it means to have existence one's beyond"

"...."

"who said you need love, you already have it deep within yourself. We are so focused on the empty and dark places where the mold grows that we forget to look for places where the flowers smiles. Create a garden for the pollen to be planted. If it wants it will come, if not some other pollen will germinate."

"what about the mold?"

"it is always there like a dark existence looming inside all of us waiting for us to water the thoughts, that make them grow"

If someday someone ask me, why her? i will bluntly answer....

She is was always different from the rest, she was the rebellion itself. She was a sword among the flowers. A dragon's heart and spirit of phoenix. When it come love, she was yin and yang. Even among the chaos she knew where to find peace. She would dance in rain, one night before her performance. She would just listen to the world, even she had no one to talk to it. She was magic, which was forced into reality. The laws of the world doesn't work on her because she was not just an existence, she was a living entity growing and breathing. Growing on people like a mold which would either help them find peace they were looking, or withers everything to dust.