Birds of a Feather

Chapter 9: Together

          They were finally going to do it. They were going to put their parents behind bars. The guilt creeping through my stomach was enough to make me puke, sitting at the edge of the toilet. I hated puking. It tore through me and left my throat and nose feeling raw. This was not the first time I'd puked tonight. I thought I might've been crying. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. And how was I gonna tell the others that? The guilt was already to much and my parents hadn't even gone to trial yet. I couldn't live with knowing I put them away forever.

          "Oh, Esme," Idona whispered, wiping my face again.

          "I can't do it, May, I can't," I told her.

          She shook her head. "Yes you can, honey. I know you can. It's going to hard, but we'll get through it, together." She reached forward and took my hand gently.

         I looked into her eyes as I felt the nausea build up again. I turned back towards the toilet as she let go of my hand. I definitely couldn't do it. Everyone was putting too much confidence and too much pressure on me. I needed them all to shut up. I needed everything to be quiet. But it never was. Blaise said we had to sober up for the trials, otherwise we might be considered unreliable witnesses, and we couldn't take that risk. Bean had groaned and said it wasn't going to happen. But Blaise said it had to.

          I knew he was being serious when he poured all his alcohol down the sink (after we'd all drank heavily the night before, washing away our sorrows one last time). Pansy demanded everyone throw away all their shit too, with the exception of cigarettes, which Blaise decided would probably be fine as long as no one smoked any on their actual court dates. So Matteo sat on the counter, cigarette perched in his mouth as if it was at all comparable to coke. He looked down at me and whispered, "You can do this, love," Matteo had always had the most perfect voice. A deep, husky voice that kind of always sounded flirtatious. That, mixed with his heavy Spanish accent, was absolutely heavenly. I shook my head but he said, "it's time, love. We'll get through this together, like old times."

         I wanted to say this was nothing like old times since Alec wasn't here but instead I turned to the toilet and puked again. My body shook as I started to sob again. I really couldn't do this. But every time I thought I wouldn't, my mind drifted back to those fucking pictures. My friends, beaten and battered, and I couldn't just let them get away with that either, could I? It was my friends or my parents. No matter what I did, I'd lose. "Idona..." I muttered, reaching for her.

         She wrapped her arms around me as Matteo slipped off the counter and came to sit next to me. "You're going to be okay," she whispered into my hair. "You can do this."

         I didn't argue this time, mostly because my throat ached too much to. Instead, I let Idona hold me. Matteo wrapped his arms around us, and as soon as I'd managed to stop sobbing, offered me a cigarette. I took it and as he lit it, Idona said, "Well, time to get ready for today." She reached over and took a drag of Matteo's cigarette, probably because I'd been puking for too long for her to want mine. Idona left the bathroom as I got cleaned up and brushed my teeth. After I'd successfully forced Matteo to brush his teeth, which I thought he'd really only agreed to so he didn't upset me more, we left and got dressed.

          When we entered the main kitchen and dining room, Bean was leaning over the table, cigarette dangling out of their mouth, examining the evidence.  They grimaced, but other than that remained emotionless. I couldn't imagine being able to look at those pictures, knowing what we were about to do, with indifference. The pictures themselves were enough to bring me to tears. The knowledge of what we were about to do was tearing me apart.

          "Whatcha thinkin'?" Jack, Bean's best friend and favorite person, asked from beside them.

          "That maybe we should've gone to someone sooner," Bean said, sweeping a hand over the bagged pictures.