Surviving

Chapter Eight

When I was three my father was arrested for murder. My memories of my father came after, he spent five years in prison, he was released due to lack of evidence. During his imprisonment, my mom used this time to escape. She spent eleven years with that guy, someone who was abusive and unfaithful. I recall the times she spoke about their relationship, how horrible it was, and how she begged God for a way out.

She never once said to me I don't want you speaking to your father or you should hate your father. My opinion of him was formed when I was about seven. My mom was having a hard time taking care of us. Sam refused to contribute regularly, my mom was constantly moving from one relationship to another, never quite finding the right guy.

Anyhow my distrust of people started with those relationships, and my introduction to how evil they can be started with my father.

When we went to live with him I spent my time in a constant state of feeling hated. The guy hated me, his reason was I was just like my mom.

So that gave him the right to abuse me. I remember this one time he made me kneel on the carpet the entire night because I spoke to our female neighbor when he went to work, he didn't want us to communicate with anyone around us.

I grieved for my mom with everything in me. Even at a young, age, I understood the difference between being disciplined because I did something wrong and because I was disliked. Sam preferred my sister, Asher, she was always an easygoing soul I couldn't find it in me to be resentful towards her.

The reality is many kids grow up in homes where they are hated for things they have no control over, imagine being resented because you have similar traits to someone else.

Eventually, my mom took us back but the damage had already been done, I then proceeded through my teenage years with a chip on my shoulder, hating the world.

Still, it's insane that out of all the guys out there I had to choose someone with similar character traits.

The past few weeks have been quiet at home mainly because I have been doing my best to keep out of James' path.

I have just arrived home after a particularly stressful day at work. James is there on the couch watching TV, but it's the dirtiness of the entire house that makes me pause. Dirty dishes piled high in the sink, clothes strewn all over, garbage on the floor.

And then 'What you cooking comes out his mouth.'

The fuck? Okay, I take a deep breath, unbuckle my shoes, and drop my purse on the counter.

When I don't immediately respond he looks away from the TV to glare at me.

"You ain't hear me talking to you?"

"Couldn't you have cleaned up a bit?"

He stares at me not comprehending that I dare ask for a minimum of basic human decency.

"What? So you can come home and sit on your big cunt? You feel I am a woman or what?"

I don't respond, I contemplate not saying anything at all.

I pick up my stuff and turn to head to the bedroom.

"Make something quick for me to eat, I want to go out the road."

Still not responding I drop my stuff in the bedroom and come back out.

He's still sitting there waiting for me to follow his order like some kind of trained dog.

Walk away Kay-Leigh just walk away.

"You're a coward." He turns to glare at me murderously and I know what's coming when he stands up and walks towards me.