𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐀 | 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐀

three

R O S E A N N E

Today I decided to face my fears and be the brave girl I matured to be. So here I was, at my mother's doorstep, two seconds away from knocking.

Okay, maybe ten seconds away.

No, a couple of minutes away.

I needed to calm my nerves down. I wore tight black pants with a grey sweater and let my hair down straight. Light makeup so I looked innocent and worthy of forgiveness.

I practised my speech several times. From the apology to the reasons why she should take me back and give me a second chance. I was selling myself as if applying for a job to my mother.

And my sister, I also wrote an apology for all the years I missed being her little sister, for embarrassing her through the years and failing her. I didn't listen when she told me to stay far away from Lisa.

'Girls like her don't go for girls like you' she said. I should've listened rather than let my mind corrupt itself. It wasn't love, it was lust.

Lust is a contagious drug.

I put the needs of myself before the needs of others and now I was facing the consequences head-on. For a decade I continuously slapped myself for the actions I allowed to consume me but now, I pat myself on the back for taking the time to heal and right my wrongs.

Breathe in and out.

Knock.

Moments pass and no answer. I knock again this time more fiercely. Still no answer. Because I didn't drive but walked, I decided to sit on the porch and linger for them to arrive.

I waited hours.

I started to question if my family even lived here anymore and I was knocking on a stranger's house. Until the doors opened. I turn around and stare at a figure that resembles my mom but not her. Her hair was platinum blonde and her dress was silky white, yet faceless.

"Mom?"

I look further yet I still can't see her eyes — her face in general. She strode closer to me, slowly and precisely, when I felt a hand yank on my hair. My instincts to fight back enraged but the person was much stronger. I feel myself being dragged to the floor, face first — my nose bleeding.

"You came back Roseanne" The voice wasn't my mother's nor my sisters. It was much more snarky, low and husky. The type to give you shivers from pleasure, or put you to sleep.  It was rich and captivating.

Lisa.

"I don't know why you thought it was a great idea to come. Now everyone is suffering," she whispers, directly in my ear. I tried not to panic as she was so tightly close to me being aggressive. Her hand on my hair —I never let people touch my hair — and her knees holding me down against the pavement.

Did I mention I was claustrophobic?

I was used to being around big rooms so this scenario, was not for me.

Still, I juggle out of her hold, struggling to breathe, once out a run for the road — literally — when I hear a loud honk before everything goes white.

I wake up.

It was just a dream.

My head is dripping with sweat whilst my bun is loose. I raise my body from the bed, swinging my legs towards the edge. Checking the time it was three fifteen in the morning. The first time I decided to sleep in my bedroom I had a nightmare, great.

No longer sleepy, I had to the bathroom and take a quick shower, rinsing the sweat off my body. Hopping out, I apply moisturiser and put on my silky pyjama dress — which I did not buy.