The Never Lasting Forever

Chapter 2- Last Year

I woke up with a throbbing headache, crying. My mum came in pale as a sheet, I can always tell that there worried, I guess I just try to pass it off, along with most things. As my mum pulled the covers back and helped me out of bed the first round came. It's an instinct, get a headache, cry, be sick. My legs moved took me to the toilet, and that is how I spent the next 6 hours. Day after day, for a whole week.

To be honest, I'm terrified. Terrified of not going to school. For most people it's what happens when they're at school. For me, it's when I'm not. I'm scared at how she will twist things and what she will say to me. Who dislikes me now. Or what was better without me. I know none of this is true. But I can't help feeling there is an element of truth. Like they say, "behind every story there is an element of truth" I guess the truth in this, is that her day may have been better. But, my friends wasn't, and mine certainly wasn't.

In a way I hate my mum, I hate the fact that she loves me so much and risks so much for me, I hate her for it. I hate myself for it. She has missed so much work for me, and this is how I repay her. Filling her head with more problems. More than she needs right now. She doesn't need me to have problems at school. It's just one more thing for her to worry about. For them to worry about, i know they are. I can see it in there eyes, and that is the thing that hurts me the most.

I went back in on the Friday, doesn't seem much point but I was looking forward to seeing my friends. My alarm was blasting through the darkness, I was already awake, that's quite unusual for me. Strangely I was quite proud of myself. I think I got ready in record time because I managed to grab some breakfast before I left the house. Once again unusual. Today was off to a good start. Grabbing the car keys, I made my way over to the car and hopped in. My mum is really so slow in the mornings, I guess I take after her. She clambers in herself, I pass her the keys. None of us speak, until she decides to break the silence, "So
do you want me to take you to school?" She asks, I turn her offer down. She knows I enjoy getting the bus, the thing is I'm just too lazy to walk to the bus stop. The car almost answers me in starting. I know it was my mum who turned the key, but for some reason I like to believe everything happens for a reason. Even the most simplest of things like turning on the car. My mum casts me a sideways look, I pretend I haven't seen and simply ask her,
"will you be home tonight?" Without looking at me, she answers
"Yes."
That was the end of it. It only takes about five minutes to get to the bus stop from my house, it sure did feel like a life time though. Lately my mum has become distant, I'm not really sure why. is it me? I push this out of my mind and bring forward the simplest of answers. She's just tired. This shuts my conscious up for a little bit. The car comes to a halt and I know we've arrived. I can't help but feel nervous, I'm not really sure why seeing as I'm just getting on the same crowded bus I get on everyday. The same bus that I have got on everyday for 4 years. My mum looks at me giving me one of those knowing mum looks, this time I allow myself to acknowledge her thinking, but before long she is ushering me out the car telling me I'm going to miss the bus. Something, I know that will result in her annoyance more than mine. After all, I did just turn down a lift to school.

The cold air hits me in the face, typical English weather. I don't even bother wondering if it's going to rain, I can tell by the clouds in the sky that the weather has made up its mind. Something that I find increasingly difficult to do about anything. An orange box comes trugging round the corner, I pull out my bus ticket, breathe in that November air and await for the screech of the wheels. Sure enough seconds later the wheels interrupt a slight silence forming on the little village. Flicking my hair around until I decide that's where I want it to go, I get on the bus. It's the same driver each day, I give him a smile and I am returned with a weeks long conversation that he has obviously been preparing,
"you'right Lily? The girls told me you were ill. Is it one of those head things again?"
Bombarded with questions I give him a simple yes. He senses my edginess and allows me to move on. I know he will keep trying until he gets a substantial answer. Sometimes, I do wonder of he eagerly awaits the school run, waiting for his time to pounce his questions on anyone he knows well enough. This makes me laugh to myself, so I hurry over to my find my friends hoping no one has noticed. I'm met by the same familiar smiles, there faces say it all. It's the same questions each time. They know better now and avoid talking about it, instead Emily throws all sorts of wacky gossip that I've been missing, Fran just nods I'm agreement, adding her touch to the stories and laughing that unmistakable laugh of hers. I'm pleased that they get it. Somehow it seams to take my mind of things and soon I'm laughing along, getting the jist of who said what to who, and what's going on in fallster schools extensive love affair with hallsbury high the local boys school. It never seizes to amaze me.

An hour passed. It was the quickest hour in a long time, it's true what they say, time does fly when your having fun. It wasn't exactly the smoothest journey I've had. I fell of my seat a few times. Clever. Old joe is not the smoothest of drivers. You can't always tell if he's stopped, or the back of the car in front is about to become a raisin.

If time flies when your having fun it rather defeats the object. This occurs to me when the bus pulls up to the school grounds that I realize that this isn't really the place I want to be. Sometimes, i wish that those bus journeys would last forever. Keep driving and driving until we fall off the side of the earth. Scientifically it's not possible, but, symbolically it satisfies me enough to know that I don't have to face the problems of the outside world. Freeze this moment in time and all that gobbledygoop. I've never really understood that until now. I'm soon snapped out of my thoughts when the old raisin or not raisin question pops into everyone's heads. I ponder for no more than a couple of seconds when some turtle shell hits me in the face. If you have ever wondered the school corridors with a year 7 around you will know the feeling. And a painful one it is. I'm afraid that these kind of accidents can't help but attract attention from people like Emily and Fran, who I know will be bringing my misfortune into conversations for the next week. I tend to embrace the fails of life, after all, we can always keep an eye out for the turtle that can't quite control it's shell, and I'm sure that it will brighten up a few walks to Maths over the next few weeks.