The Never Lasting Forever

Chapter 3- We all know the feeling

I like to believe that over my life I have built up some sort of resistance. Resistance to the bullies, to their hate and to all those that judge. It doesn't work like that. We are humans and humans demand to feel emotions, which personally I think is an allusive floor which everyone overlooks. There's a fine line to being a cold hearted bitch and "strong." My parents once got told that I'd built a wall, shut the door and wouldn't let anyone it. For starters walls don't usually have doors. That's called a gate. The thing is with this "wall" that I'd built up is like all walls it had cracks. Cracks which would slowly let everything seep in, until smack bang, your an emotional mess and the wall comes crashing down. I take one step into the school building and my wall crumbles. Once again that feeling we know all too well seeps in. Fear. Fear of being rejected, lost, pushed away, isolated. It's hard to express these things which is why I build the wall. To shut everyone out.
Returning from what seemed like an hour process in my head had actually only amounted to about 6 seconds. I finally managed to recover from my brutal face injury and follow Fran and Emily off the bus. My school isn't particularly fancy as such, but there is what they call the "mansion" which takes up most of the school website when in fact it's a pretty, stone building that all the sixth formers exist in. The school is surrounded by fields which I think makes the difference, no one else really cares. Once again I'm snapped out of my thoughts as Old Joe honks the bus horn instantly catching everyone's eyes as their heads snap back, I chuckle to myself as I realize how sad he really is. Meanwhile, the teachers who are meant to be on morning duty don't seem to award it the same level as humor as me and look around giving everyone their usual cheery smiles. They obviously don't want to be here either. However, it's the small things that count and having friends just like me we all seem to notice out of the corner of our eyes the poor soul miss Michaels who jumps out of her tiny little frame, consequently, spilling her coffee over herself. I find my self actually running towards Fran and Emily who have walked off in their brisk pace leaving me to daydream in peace. As I catch up with them I notice that they have slowed down and are just like me in fits of laughter. I know we shouldn't but at this time in the morning anything is funny, which is good as so far I'm in a good mood and am hoping that's not going to change.
Following the winding path, Emily, Fran and I nip round the back of the school to go to our lockers. As we went passed the music block I got a few smiles and nice to see you's and that sort of thing which gave me a mixture of feelings I must say. I hate it when people put me in the spotlight, and fill me with their empathy. It doesn't make me feel any better. I just feel like someone has put me up on a podium for the world to see what a pathetic mess I am. That's when it hits me. Physically and mentally. A glare followed with a, "watch where your going freak." It wasn't loud by any sort or much of a show but enough, enough for me to notice, but not enough for anyone else. It hurt, it hurt pretty damn much and that is a feeling that I'm afraid I knew all to well. Pain. Terror. It was coming, she was coming. I couldn't escape the girl who I once shared my childhood with. But now, stands as a reminder of my future yet to come.