How Did Love Become Love (Minwon FF)

Chapter 7 Nightmare

  Mingyu felt like his head was weighting a ton, someone has firmly grabbed his waist from back with one hand and the other hand was supporting his arm over that person's shoulder as they walked slowly. He also felt like he was hearing countless voices buzzing near his ears that's becoming a reason for his headache. He don't know what was going on and just felt like falling flat on a mattress and sleeping like there's no tomorrow. He was half conscious and too tired.

Finally, it was like someone has granted his wish and he was made to lie down on the sleeping pad. Occasionally someone would feed him some bitter medicine and water with him leaning on that person until being fed and also he occasionally heard some soft voices from time to time. When lying down he was covered by a warm blanket and felt the cool sensation on his forehead which felt very unpleasant for him but he fell asleep very quickly without caring much about that cool sensation.

He didn't knew he was dreaming but he found himself in the apartment shared by him, Wonwoo, Scoups and Dokyeom (Dk). In the dream they were all sitting and eating their breakfast. The weren't able to talk much but felt like he could discern what everyone was saying or conveying.

  Everything was normal but everything was happening in a fast pace and in broken patterns. One time Dk was joking about something and laughing with Scoups, the other time he saw himself adding something in Wonwoo's breakfast and looking at Wonwoo while eating breakfast. The next time everyone disappeared with him sitting on the dinning chair and seeing Wonwoo coming out of kitchen with staggering steps and the next moment he was leaping at Wonwoo, at first trying to help him stable his step but later grabbing his neck and pulling him close and kissing him with a sense of urgency. Trying to feel his utmost but not feeling the kiss, he wasn't satisfied. He yanked Wonwoo's top up, feeling his body and kneading his nipples but didn't feel it to be hard and flat, instead he felt soft and supple flesh under the nipples like a girl's. He wasn't satisfied and everything felt wrong. It wasn't everyday that Wonwoo was this vulnerable and he had to seize this chance desperately but he felt the resistance of Wonwoo.

At first he didn't mind his resistance and continued to fulfill his desires but then he felt something wet. The scene changed again like someone had pressed fast forward button, Wonwoo and him were in the same place but Wonwoo was sitting while leaning his back to the wall with his head in his arms and his legs pressing together to his chest. He was shivering and crying, Mingyu was able to feel his thoughts like he was saying that everything is ruined and their relationship shouldn't be like this, their relationship would never be same again that Wonwoo felt disgraced and dirty almost like getting raped and indeed Mingyu was taking advantage of him, he was blinded by lust.

Mingyu felt wronged and ashamed, these contrasting feelings but he couldn't bear the site of Wonwoo crying and went to him, hugging him while sitting and without talking he tried to convey that nothing has changed, their relationship has not changed. He tried to demonstrate while softly pecking Wonwoo's lips trying to say that earlier and now his kiss was out of love for Wonwoo. That kiss and this kiss's intension might be different but the love behind them was not different. He tried to convey that he was sorry and would never do something low level like this again. He tried to coax him while his heart was breaking and everything started to spin in a whirlpool.

Startled, Mingyu got up while sweating heavily. He could recall his dream and the emotions from the dream clearly. He rubbed his face with both of his palms. How he was feeling right now, he felt it was indescribable. First of all he felt it was unbelievable for him to do something like that to Wonwoo even in his dreams but he did and felt guilty and swore to himself to never lose himself like that even in dream. Secondly, he haven't seen Wonwoo cry except the time when Jeonghan came out to everyone in their friend group, at that time everyone cried after seeing how Jeonghan had suffered because of confusion, fear and inferiority he felt when he realized he liked men. It takes courage to come out to the friends and close friends at that and when Jeonghan started telling how much he has suffered and was still suffering his experience and how he had been feeling and his insecurities, hearing those things inevitably made everyone emotional. The way Jeonghan was looking at them gratefully when they accepted him as he was and didn't show any disgust toward him after knowing his sexual orientation was the most hurtful thing he had ever seen was what Mingyu felt at that time but now he has seen even more hurtful thing in his dream.

Wonwoo wasn't the one to easily cry, even when he felt extremely sad he won't cry until the emotions overwhelms him but seeing him cry like that in his dream, Mingyu's heart felt heavy just by thinking about it. But due to the dream one thing has became clear to Mingyu that he was already in love with Wonwoo in these many years, it's just from the start his love wasn't sexual until now. It made sense how easily he changed the way of seeing Wonwoo because from the start there was a foundation of love in his heart for Wonwoo. Don't people usually say that there's a thin line between the love of friendship and romantic love. He had just caged himself between the walls of gender before and didn't knew that love was fluid with no bounds, he hasn't realised this earlier that his feelings of love had already exceeded the bond of friendship in the terms of pure love. He is just starting to realise the impure side of love, the side where there are desires, wants, needs and yearnings. He is starting to realise his lustful side but he won't let this side break his good friendship with Wonwoo.

He wants to protect these good feelings, all those good memories, and Wonwoo. He wants to protect Wonwoo from himself. He won't let his nightmare come true.

But Mingyu don't know that future is in no one's control.

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I'm late today🙁

Anyway have fun today lovelies😆