The Fake Boyfriend

Crime Fighting

Bruce was fucked.

And no, not in the fun way.

Superman was in town, date number two approaching and, because fate loved to make a mockery of Bruce, Penguin had unleashed genetically modified attack penguins onto Gotham.

So now he was rushing to the Batcave, stripping out of his silk shirt and cursing the skinny jeans he had put on.
Alfred stepped out of seemingly nowhere, hand up and firm expression on his face.

"No vigilantism tonight."

Bruce stops, shirt in hand and phone beeping his bat alarm in the other. He holds the phone up, hoping Alfred will understand the gravity of his duty. It does not dissuade the elderly British man.

"Robin and Batgirl are on it. Go fix your clothes before Clark gets here."

Bruce knows nothing can convince Alfred when he gets this stern. And, in a manner so similair to his behavior as a kid, he turns and stalks off while glowering. Alfred wistfully smiles at his son's retreating back.

. . .

Clark is torn. He has a date, but there are psychotic birds everywhere! And not a Batman in sight.

He's just about to take off his outer clothes and stow them somewhere to lend a hand when two small figures land on the path ahead of him.

Clark was currently a few streets over from the long winding drive to the manor, he didn't want to be seen landing too close with the paparazzi poking around Bruce's life. And now between him and a handful of rabid fanged penguins were a pair of teens.

One is a girl, 'batgirl' he remembers vaguely, having heard of her but never met her. The other is more familiar, a robin. While he'd never teamed up with Gotham's dynamic duo, Robin had come to a metropolis meta human convention to support the meta kids like kid flash, raven and Starfire, and had got a signed headshot from Superman.

Before Clark can figure out what to do,hand still paused lifting his sweater, they had swiftly executed some powerful looking martial arts moves, fighting in sync like they'd been doing this since childhood. With a twinge of unease he realized they probably had. If he ever met Batman he was going to seriously chew him out over child endangerment.

He quickly fixed his clothes and tried to remember how civilians react to this stuff.

Once the penguins were secured, (did they really zip tie those penguins feet together?) Clark rushes forward and smiles, feigning relief.

"Thank you so much! I don't know what I would've done if you superheros hadn't showed up!" He offers his hand to Batgirl for a shake and she obliges, sizing him up.

"No problem."

When he turns to Robin he can see a calculating look in his eyes. There's no way he recognizes him. No way. Clark smiles a little uneasy, "It's an honor to meet you, Batgirl and Robin!"

Robin shakes his hand, raising an eyebrow at the odd familiarity of the goofy man before him.

Before he can figure out how to maneuver the situation further, a car pulls up too fast, stopping too hard.

Bruce shoots out of the driver seat, running to them. His mouth opens and shuts with no sound as he looks between the three before he rushes to Clark.

When he takes his face in his hands it knocks the air from Clark's lungs. They are so close, Bruce examining him with concern. "Are you okay?"

He's confused, Bruce knows he can't get hurt by some weird birds, but he's also delighted with the attention.

"I'm fine, Bruce. Thanks to these amazing kids-"

He turns to see they, and the penguins, are gone. There's an odd feelings in his mind, like he's not quite putting something together.

Bruce let's go of Clark's face, the loss feeling tremendous for it being something so small. "Those kids fight so well!" Bruce feels smug satisfaction at that, of course his kids fought well! The feeling sours.

"But that Batman needs a serious wake up call about child endangerment! These kids are kids! They shouldn't be fighting monster penguins or clowns or-" he huffs in irritation, concern evident on his face as he turns away from Bruce.

"Sorry." He pauses, running a hand through his hair, "I don't mean to rant, I just can't help but worry about them. I worry about almost everyone. I feel ... responsible ... for everything and everyone."

Bruce ignores his bruised ego, Clark couldn't know that those kids were already vigilantes on their own, heading down much darker paths before he intervened.

"Clark, you aren't a god. I know I may have used the term loosely to-"

Clark turns to Bruce, cutting him off, "I may not be a literal god. But I am mostly invulnerable, with an unbearably long lifespan, I can move with speed and strength people can't even comprehend. But even as fast as I am, I can't save everyone. Not everyone wants to be saved, but I have to try. What is the point of my being saved, being here, if I don't try?"

Bruce doesn't have anything to say to that. And instead he pulls Clark to him, holding him as tightly as he can.

Clark wraps his arms around Bruce's muscular frame delicately. The man feeling fragile compared to Clark. But the embrace is strong and warm and Bruces arms around his waist make him feel secure in a way he hadn't since childhood.

He tightens his grip carefully, feeling Bruce step closer to hold him better. Now they are pressed together in a more intimate embrace.

And they stay in comfortable silence until Clark pulls back, his body reactive in a very awkward way to their hips being pressed together.

Bruce slides his hands down to Clark's hips and teases one up under the hem of Clark's sweater. They both freeze when his hands brush over spandex.

He quirks an eyebrow at Clark and the alien squeaks like an awkward teen. "I didn't think we'd- you'd-"

Bruce lifts Clark's sweater in one swift motion, the isolated street being private enough for him to do so safely.

"You're really wearing your suit now?"

Clark is red, bashfully looking away. "I, uh, forgot?"

Bruce admires the sight of his suit clad chest a moment before fixing his sweater and kissing Clarks cheek. "let's go, they've got the situation handled," Bruce leans in further, kissing Clarks jaw and whispering huskily into his ear, "I'm still really looking forward to our date."