ᴍᴏᴍᴇɴᴛꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇʀꜰᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ

anytime, anywhere

mental health struggles have always seemed to creep up on penelope and she thinks she always been good at hiding it until trevor came along.

*this takes place shortly after penelope finds out she is pregnant—trevor knows, but they are not living together yet*

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there was really no reason for her to be freaking out. that's what penelope would say anyway. but if trevor were here, he'd tell her that every single emotion she was feeling was valid and she should give herself a little more grace—it was her middle name after all. penelope wanted to trick herself into thinking she was being dramatic so she's thankful that trevor isn't here to talk her out of her self sabotaging.

she tries to think back where it all went wrong. she should have seen this coming when she called out of work for an entire week. penelope was never one to call off work. celeste always made fun of her for it. she always told her "you could be on your death bed and still feel bad for calling out of work." tears formed in penelope's eyes as she thought about her semi ditzy, brunette partner in crime. it wasn't like celeste hadn't been trying to get ahold of her for the past week, she was trying so hard but with every tone of penelope's voicemail and unanswered text she slowly started to accept the fact that penelope needed space, but if only she knew just how bad off penelope was—she would be kicking in her front door and penelope knew it too, that's why she didn't let her into anything that was going on.

the more penelope had time to think about her future, the more she started to shut down. trevor was all in, he was going to give her the fucking moon and stars if it meant she'd crack a smile or ease her mind for three seconds. she always dreamed of being a mom, she loved kids but not like this. she wanted to be settled down first. the thought of trevor up and leaving her when she needed him most seemed to weigh on her brain and heart a little too hard. from the moment trevor heard that shakey, "i'm pregnant." the thought of leaving penelope's side never crossed his mind no matter how terrified he was. in fact, he was more afraid penelope would just up and leave, delete and block his number and ghost him for the rest of his child's life and he was bound and determined to never let that happen.

trevor had been trying to reach penelope for nearly a week. no matter how many times she ignored him for days on end, he never got used to the pang in his chest when yet another phone call went unanswered and a text was left on read. he could sense that something was wrong. he didn't know what kind of information he was going off of—other than his mind saying "just trust me bro." but penelope was just taking care of herself now. she was caring for their baby—trevor's baby. he chews his lip in contemplation, leg bouncing anxiously before he's pulling his phone out to shoot penelope a text.

to: penelope archer
meet me at starbucks in 30?

he doesn't expect a reply. the ignoring game had been going on for too long now for trevor to get his hopes up. penelope hears her phone chime from under her pillow that desperately needed washed. she usually wouldn't care to see who it was, ignoring it just to go on about her day of cat napping and wiping her tear stained cheeks. her stomach gets an even deeper sinking feeling urging her to look at the message. she can't help but let more tears fall as she reads it. she was already circling the drain and she didn't want to bring him down with her, but she owed it to him to at least give a sign of life.

to: trevor zegras
not up for it, don't feel good.

from: trevor zegras
then i'll bring it to you
i'll see you in 30

it had finally come. the day where penelope could no longer ghost everyone. now trevor was going to come over here, see what a mess she is, and go running for the hills. she couldn't even bring herself to make the bed let alone put any makeup on. her hair was so tangled a brush nearly lost the fight before penelope broke down and started crying. she hoped trevor could understand. understand that she wasn't a mess. she wasn't dirty. that she wasn't unfit to be a mother—that's the thought that had her world crumbling down. what if he thought she was unfit to be a mother and reported her to—