Roxanne

Chapter Three

Sorry for the wait. ~ JUSTIC3

I smiled back at the memory. Roxanne had a fait smile playing her lips aswell. After a week I grew the balls to ask her out. It was one of the hardest things in life to do. It may seem simple and you always chantasize us for freaking out and stuttering.

But It's a key moment in every mans life. I mean you could be casted as good or bad. And nothing was worse than getting shoty down. I didn't want to risk it, also Cylde would tease me since it after all was his own blood that had shot me down.

Me and Clyde kind of drifted in that area, I couldn't really talk about her with him because he would shout out "Dude, thats my cousin." Therefore I needed more friends. Which led to the fact that summer break would soon end.

Then I would soon have to go back to school. I didn't know if I would return by then since, well I was running away, for god knows how long, and I didn't know if I would have the guts to come home. I can't see my mother crying, I don't want to handel my father yelling at me, maybe disowning me.

That would be tragic people would look at me differently, maybe how they look at Roxanne's father. I didn't even have a specific reason for leaving. Which proved that I was more wimpy then the class loser.

Jemma was a bit like my mother. Not a serious femilnist or equalist. . . Whatever she was. She was just independent and sayed woman could survive without men. When I have to say is blatently untrue. We need eachother.

I didn't have the guts. . . To stand up to a girl. . . But I would soon learn in my adult hood that gender is just an illusion used to make opinions.

But back in the day my dad would always tell me, men rule the world. And woman rule the kitchen. Which nowadays is concidered completely sexist.

Gloria Stynem, a magasine author that appeared in the eairly seventies was big on womans liberation. Suddenly out of no where woman started to get out, quoteing Aretha Franklen "Where coming out of the kitchen."

My mother soon became one with the obsessive womans liberation hen party. She got a more trendy up-do and started wearing more high end clothes. Which brings me back to the story of the leather jacket. She was changing and she was taking  our family down with her. She made sure she was every bit of woman. Even if it ment, getting my dad to stop calling her frilly names such as 'darling' and 'honey cakes.'

Instead she wanted to every bit a equal as a man. Which was kind of scary from time to time.

Anyways Roxanne and me sat on the floor of the truck in silence. "You miss her huh?" I stuttered forgeting how to speak. "Well, yeah, I guess I miss her you know. . ." I didn't see how it was a must know.

I suddenly thought I miss understood Roxanne aybe she actually cared. "Don't worry, you never truly get over first love. But hey, one day they'll just be an old memory.

Roxanne really didn't get it.  She was my first love. Not Jemma. jemma was just a pretty girl, that was just there at that moment. Roxanne and I had known each other since our earily childhood. Maybe she was right though. Maybe Roxanne would just become an old memory. A battered photograph of what could have been.

Although deep down I didn't want us just be a one day, one thing I was searching for something infenite. Roxanne looked for the total opposite. She never stayed with a guy longer than a week, because if she stayed any longer , so would her heart.

But then you must think, 'well shes with you and your a guy. . . Or are you?'

Yes,  I am a boy. Thats why my name is Jason and thats why I have a girlfriend. Or had one. But Roxanne didn't look at me like one of those guys across the bar. She looked at me like a lost puppy.

And that was equally unflattering. I wanted her to see me for who I was. Not for who she wanted me to be. I couldn't keep my feelings bottled up inside of me like cheap perfume.