Betrayal Codes

Chapter 9: Libby

What did I say? Was the first thing that came to mind while walking back to the hotel. The last thing I said before he ran was "I may never see you again, so..." Was that it? Was that what made him run away? I only said that to imply I was willing to drop my boundaries and date him. Because goddammit, that man was doing something strange to me.

"Finally! You're back!" Shay exclaims the second I enter the room. "Thank goodness! I was worried Cole kidnapped you or tied you to a tree!"

"Why would you think that?"

"Because he came sprinting back, like, half an hour ago! What did you say to make that boy come running back?"

"I don't know," I reply wistfully, still lost in my thoughts. I had to have said something.

Taylor approaches us. "By the way, that man is so hot when he runs," she adds. "Have you seen his muscles? Like, fuuuuck. I want those. And did you see how they strain against that useless undershirt?" She begins fanning herself.

"Tay, he's taken. Stop fantasizing about a man you can't have," Cleo scolds. I'd love to laugh along with them and join in on the teasing but...

"What's wrong, Lib?" Cleo asks, noticing my lost-in-space attitude. "Wanna talk?"

"No, thanks. I'm kinda tired. I think I'll go to bed now." I head over to the bathroom to brush my teeth, feeling three pairs of eyes glued to my back. The second I shut the door, worried whispers break out.

"What do you think happened?" Shay asks.

"I swear, I'm gonna kick his ass if he hurts her," Taylor growls.

"Now their would-be relationship is doomed!" Cleo groans. "Ugh, I was rooting for them!"

I whip through my routine quicker than usual. I don't want to hear their view on what happened tonight. I'm stressed enough as it is. "'Night, guys," I say, exiting the bathroom and climbing into bed.

"Goodnight," they echo, retreating to their own.

Shay climbs into our bed, preparing to interrogate me about my conversation. I haven't figured it out myself, so I'm not ready to explain it all to her. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet," I whisper.

She finds my hand and gives it a quick squeeze. "Okay. I'll be here when you are."

Once I hear Shay's breathing even out, I open the floodgates. I cry tears of sadness for missing my opportunity with Cole. I cry tears of regret for making the joke and causing him to run away. I cry because I miss the Agency. I miss being locked up in the middle of nowhere with only girls. Ugh, why is liking a boy so complicated?

Since we met the boys, I've felt a special pull toward Cole. Every time he came near, my heart would start beating double-time. All of my nerves would stand on end, reaching for him, begging to feel his skin on mine. When Cole held my hand in the van, my body responded immediately. Everything about it felt natural, like our bodies were synced at birth and when put together, they merged. Finally, we're back together they seem to say.

But I ruined it. I broke the connection. Now our bodies will be deprived of each other for another lifetime. Because of me.

I bury my head in my pillow and let out a body-heaving sob. Shay stirs, causing me to freeze. Luckily, she falls back asleep one second later.

Deciding not to wake the others with my pity party, I get up, pull on a hoodie, and walk out of the room. I don't know where I'm going or what I plan to do, so I start wandering the hotel.

The twelve-story hotel is covered in glass — including the roof — allowing the stars to shine through. Tonight, they're remarkably bright, so I ride the elevator to the top floor and plop down right outside the elevator. I don't care how gross the floor may be or whether or not a guest will trip over me on their way downstairs. I just lay there staring at the stars.