Betrayal Codes

Chapter 15: Libby

"Cole?" I hesitantly rap my knuckle on his door. It's night now, a long time since the scene this morning. We've been doing things on our own today. I figured a day off might help him sort things out, but even so, I'm not sure what mood he's in or if he's mad at me for whatever reason. "Are you there?"

The door swings open and a frazzled-looking Cole greets me. His beautiful waves are all messed up and misshapen, his eyes look sad, and his clothes are wrinkled. I'm guessing he was just lying in bed with his thoughts, destroying himself inside and out.

"Oh, Cole." I forget any hesitations and embrace him in the doorway. "You okay?"

"Eh," is all he says before swinging me around, pressing me against the wall, and kicking the door shut. Without the hallway light, the room is pitch-black. The curtains are drawn and he doesn't have any lights on. In any other circumstance, this might be intimate, but as he leans down to bury his head in my neck and holds on to me like I'm the thing keeping him on the ground, it reminds me of what I would do to Jess whenever I had nightmares.

We stay like that for who knows how long until Cole finally sniffles. "I'm sorry," he whispers into my neck. His voice is raspy and choked like it might be after a good cry. Was Cole just crying? Was this tough guy actually crying?

"I'm sorry," he repeats, pulling away to look at me through the darkness. "I'm so sorry. For how I acted earlier and for this. For being all emotional on you."

I grab his hands and squeeze them. "Please don't apologize for being sad, Cole. Never be sorry for being sad. Emotions are good."

"Not where I'm from."

"Well, that's not right."

He lets out a breathy ha. "But what happened this morning... I'm really sorry for that. I'm so sick of Aiden's shit. I hate that he disapproved of our relationship and then was happy for Tucker. I suppose it was just bad timing, but I shouldn't have gotten all worked up about it. And I definitely shouldn't have burst out like I did."

"There's no reason you should be brushing off his behavior," I insist. "It wasn't just bad timing. What Aiden did was wrong. I see how it upset you and I would have blown up just like you did."

He shakes his head and drops my hands, dismissive. "No, it's fine."

I frown. "It's not, Cole. Aiden should be happy for both of his friends. And what makes us so different from Tucker and Shay?"

"Lib–"

"Nothing. Not a single thing," I state firmly.

Defeated, Cole drops his forehead onto my shoulder. "Libby, I wish I could tell you everything. I really do. But there are some things I just can't. You need to understand that there are reasons for these things — reasons you don't know, reasons that don't work in my favor. So I'll feel like shit for a minute, but then I'll realize it's all for the better and suck it all up. Right now, I feel like shit and I probably will for the rest of the day, but tomorrow, Libby? Tomorrow I'll be back to myself.

"I really hate that you have to see me like this, so please, leave and come back when I'm better," Cole separates himself from me and reaches for the door handle.

I grab his hand before he can reach it. "Cole. Hang on."

He drops his hand and turns his mournful eyes to mine. "As much as I hate it and as much as it goes against my nature, I'll try to understand. I'll push away my feelings for yours. For you. Because you mean a whole lot to me. And I hope I mean somewhere close to that for you."

"You do," he whispers.

"Then let me in, Cole. Let me see these parts of you. Don't be ashamed. Because I care. You might not be around people who care, but I do. I want to be there for you when you feel like shit. I want to be there for you when you feel like you're on top of the world. I want to be there for you when you feel any and every emotion.