The past is always there - The summer I turned pretty(Unfinished)

Midnight at the beach

I open the door to my room, as quietly as I can. Susannah and Laurel's asleep, Steven and Jeremiah are in Jeremiah's room, playing chess I think, and Belly and Conrad are in Conrad's room watching a movie. which means no one's downstairs.
Or, they're not supposed to be.
I put on black leggings and an oversized hoodie, cause it's cold outside. I don't know what to do with my hair, so I just brush it a little and leave it down.
As quietly as possible, I go to the kitchen and take two small chocolate bars from the cabinet and put them in my pocket, then walk quietly towards the front door.
I'm facing the door, trying to put on my sandals.

"Going somewhere?" I hear a voice behind me say.
I flinch a little.
I turn around, facing Conrad standing with his arms crossed, waiting for me to answer.
"I'm going out," I say, trying to act causal.
"At 12 am? With who?"

"Daniel," I say, in a way that it sounds like a question.
"Please don't tell on me!" I beg him.
He laughs a quiet and short laugh.
"Why should I not tell?" he says, smirking.
I step closer to him, as close as I can get.
I look up at him.

"Because, you love me? I'm as much your sister as Belly and Steven's."
He smiles again, and I know I got him just where I want him, so I continue.

"I'm the sister you never got."
I smile and let out a little laugh. He looks up, then starts laughing too. He closes his eyes and say, "Just go," still laughing.
I smile a thanking smile, and run back to the door. "Be home in an hour!" he says right before I leave.

The beach is not that far from the house.
Maybe a 2 minute walk.
When I get to the beach, I see a shadow sitting in the sand, a few feet away from the water.

"How long have you been sitting here waiting?" I ask, as I sit down next to him on the sand.

"Don't worry, only a few minutes. You're good," Daniel says, laughing.
He looks me in the eyes.
Then down at my lip.
I know what he's thinking.
And I'm thinking the same.

I lean in closer, so close our noses are touching.
He leans in the rest of the way, and presses his lips onto mine.
God, even his kiss feels familiar and warm.
One of his hands are on my waist, pulling me closer, and the other on my cheek.
I run my fingers through the back of his hair.
I'm kinda loving this.

After what feels like hours, he pulls away.
"You don't know how long I've been waiting to do this."
I giggle.
I give him a quick kiss, before we lay down on the sand.

"I'm impressed you even managed to get out of the house without being noticed."

"Oh, I did. Conrad caught me."

"Seriously? And he just let you go?"

"Yeah."

"Wait for real?!"
I laugh.

"Yes. He's not as strict as he looks like."

"I've known Con my whole life, and he has never been this chill about anything."

"He is to me," I say.
"He knows I've been through a lot, with my parents dying and all that. He just wants me to be happy, I guess."

"That's sweet," Daniel says, looking up at the sky. I laugh a little.
I'm looking up at the stars, too.
The nights here are so beautiful.
The sky is full of stars.

I'm usually scared of the dark, but not in Cousins.
The sky here makes me feel safe.
Protected, kind of.
A kind of protection I've never felt before.
The kind of protection I've always wanted.
And needed, too, to be honest.

I've never had a lot of protection in general either.
No one ever cared.
Not really.
And if they did, it wasn't because they wanted to, but because they had to.
And they didn't even protect me.
They just acted like it.
Teachers, doctors, therapists, friends' parents. Everyone.
Or, not everyone.
There were two people who's always been there for me.
Like...
Ash.

Ash loved me, even more than himself.
He never said it, but I knew it anyways.
The way he always put me first, how I was always his first choice, no matter what.
He gave me all of his love, including the one that was supposed to be for him.
Until one day, he forgot to save some love for himself, because he gave it all to me...

"Have you ever been in love?" Daniel asks, out of nowhere.
His question catches me off guard.
I don't even have to think about an answer, though, cause I already know it.
"Yes. Once," I say.
We're both still looking up at the stars.
"Tell," Daniel says, interested in my answer.
I don't think he expected a yes from me. I mean, I'm only 16.

"I don't really know when I fell in love. One day, I just was."

"Did he like you too?"

"Yeah, he did. It happened something between us when I was around 12. We didn't start dating, but we always had that special kind of connection, you know? The kind you have with someone you're dating."

"Who was he?"
He's asking questions because he's interested.

"A friend."
I didn't want to go too deep into how I got to know this boy.
"He was always there for me. Especially during the hard times I went through. Well, not anymore, I guess."

"What happened?"
I hesitate.
I don't know how to give a good answer to this, without telling my whole life story.

"Stuff... happened. I don't know. I just couldn't have him in my life anymore. I had to leave him in the past."

"That must have been hard, huh?"

"Yeah... it was one of the hardest things I've done..."

He holds my hand, still looking up at the sky. "I'm sorry," he says in a low voice
I close my eyes, trying to make the tears disappear.
"It's okay. It's not your fault." He pulls me closer to him and puts his arm around me.
I put my arm on his chest.
And we lay there like that, for what feels like forever.