Equals (Crowley Fanfic)

Disfunctional

Every night, we checked into a hotel room. Crowley would leave while we got ready for bed and only came back when he thought we had had enough time to fall asleep. Sometimes I'd still be awake when he came back. He would set up ingredients on the table that was usually in the room and make hex bags and other things I couldn't identify. If I was still out of bed I would sneak around quietly, so I wouldn't disturb him.

The downside to forgetting things, is that you remember them in your sleep. For anyone who has had enough bad memories to need to forget... a good night's sleep isn't a given. Sometimes I had fits. I would be just conscious enough to know what was happening, but not enough to stop it. When it would happen I would feel arms around me. The first few times I heard Crowley mumbling about how I would wake the people in the room next door. In the morning Crowley would pretend to be asleep when I got up. He never brought it up and I never mentioned how he would kiss my cheek and whisper comforting words once he thought I was fully asleep. Usually I woke up long before Jenny stirred, but this morning when I woke up Jenny had already gone after breakfast. Crowley was doing a convincing job of pretending to be asleep, but I knew he wasn't weak enough to need sleep anymore. I crossed my arms in front of me and rested my head on them.

"You can stop pretending. I know you're awake." I said.

"I know you know." He whispered and opened his eyes.

"Feel like helping me pick through my own brain?" I asked.

"I spent long enough in there, same issues still?" He asked. I nodded in return.

"Jenny." I said. "Her father."
"You cannot blame yourself," he pulled me closer. "I she hadn't come with us, she would have been dead too."
I nodded, but didn't say anything.
"You could go to Bobby's, go after Moose and Squirrel or stay and protect Jenny." He paused and smoothed by hair back. "You could have the love of the man lying beneath you..."

My breath hitched as I realized how close we were.

"What if I want all of those things?" I asked.

"I don't know if you can, but we can try." As he spoke our lips came closer. This time, I kissed him first. He sat up, pulling me into his lap. I wrapped my arms around his sides and he laced his hands in my hair. I realized that in the past few weeks his pungent smell had gone from a frightening smell, to one of comfort and safety. His kisses on my lips, my cheeks, my chin were new sensations that I hadn't realized that I wanted. I kissed his ears and returned to his lips. I cannot recall how long we sat like that, declaring our feelings without speaking, but it ended when the door opened and Jenny gasped.

"I- I forgot I wanted to get another cup of coffee." She stammered before shutting the door and running back to the hotel lobby.

I ran my hands across Crowley's shoulders. "I should probably go and explain to her."

"I don't think you can justify this to a girl who has been taught about how evil I am since birth." He mumbled, his lips against the side of my head.

"I won't have to explain my actions to her, but I will have to explain not telling her sooner." I giggled and felt his lips curl into a smile.

"Was there a sooner time to tell her?" I felt a suppressed chuckle rumble in his chest.

"Yes, I should have called her and put her on speakerphone as soon as I decided to kiss you." I winked. I tried to get up, but found it was easier to get into that position than out of it. Finally I fell out of the bed. Crowley laughed and I stood up, restraining the wish to hit him. I slipped on some sandals and kissed his cheek as I left.

"Hey, Jenny, um..." I didn't know how to start.
"I don't know what you're waiting for. Tell all, and all will be forgiven." She tried to sound professional.
"Well, that was our first... The other kisses before were for business." I said trying not to speak loud enough for the others in the room to hear.
"I am not an idiot, you don't sleep together without kissing, there is no way what I saw was your first real kiss." She raised her eyebrows, "I mean, you two were cuddling pretty close when I got up."
"I have these... nightmares. I had one when he was in my head, so he gets it. Ever since then, when I would start to cry out he has crawled into my bed and comforted me. Nothing happened until this morning. It's been going on since the first night. When I wake up, he would pretend to be asleep and we never spoke about it. "
"Oh... How did the kissing start?" I swear the more I got to know her, the larger her nose got.
"I spoke to him, and we talked and he pulled me close because I was doubting myself, and we kept taking and then I realized that I was lying on top of him. Then... you saw." I was pure crimson by the time I finished.
She hugged me and said, "When you tell your kids about how Mommy and Daddy got together, don't leave out the part where I called it."
I burst out laughing, but then realized how deadly serious she was.
"No way am I having a child with him, if our relationship even gets that far. I don't want to bring someone into the world that will be targeted for power from birth. Honestly, I don't even know if either of us would be good parents." About halfway through the last sentence I realized that Jenny had been looking over my shoulder and tapping my arm since I had begun to speak. I turned around to see a familiar smirk.
"Don't worry, darling. I won't push you into anything you can't handle." He kissed my forehead and went for some coffee, crowing with his prideful grin the entire way.
"That's ok, I didn't need to function for the rest of today." I muttered.