I am almost there but never enough to be there. It's like a downfall chronicle, expecting something that you can have it on your hand and you just need to hold and feel it, enjoy the moment, but at the end of the day it is not yours to enjoy.
I feel doomed, not enough, unworthy or maybe I over qualified myself to be there. But my confidence took me so high that I almost forgot that there is someone better, and its not me.
I have learned that overthinking is not really a good thing to do. Expecting things that it will happen according to your plans, but in reality it's not. It's so painful, like a dagger that keeps stabbing my heart and the only thing that I could do is to cry and cry in the darkest part of my room.
Everyone knows that I am happy, I can smile widely without any restrictions. Asking me; How are you?, Are you okay?.
And to answer it " yeah I'm fine" matching it with my sweetest smile that I could give. But to be honest, I want to scream in the inside. " No!!! I am not okay!. I don't know when to be okay"Or do I really know what is the feeling of being okay?
Criticisms, insults, questions, expectations these are few things that others are throwing at me. I can heard it, and I can also feel it. I want to numb it all, but it's not easy I don't want to feel any pain anymore. But yeah, its part of life. Because without pain, we can't stand on our own, face it, and fight for it.
I know that one day rejection can change into welcome !!
My thoughts
Peringgay
YOU ARE READING
A Part of Me
RandomThis is a book of essays, were you can see the different side of me. how I see life, inspire, and motivate you to trust and believe on yourself. Sometimes we are in the pace of our lives that we almost want to give up. I hope this will cheer you up...
