Apricity

Part 1

Avinash glanced at his friend in disbelief, "What do you mean you don't know what's going on with Aanchal? She's your fiancee!" But instead of the usual banter and laughs shared between the two friends, a tense silence filled the air as his friend glared back with narrowed eyes.

The chirping of crickets added to the worsening throb behind his eyes. With a clenched jaw, the towering man paced across the expansive lawn around the palatial mansion. "She doesn't tell me anything and I... well, I don't feel a need to ask her," he said with a dismissive shrug of his shoulder.

The crickets were out in full force, filling the air with their songs right as the first stars appeared in the sky. The moon hung halfway above the horizon and cast its dim light on the darkened hulks of nearby palatial homes. Their shadows were stark silhouettes against the night sky.

Avinash glared at his friend's nonchalance, disbelief and disappointment flooding through him. His lips curled in a sneer as he wondered if it was truly an inability to move on from the past or just apathetic refusal. His eyebrows burning with anger, Avinash spat out an accusation: "I guess you can't let go of her thoughts and the idea of her as easily as you let her go!"

His friend drew a sharp breath, like he had been punched in the gut. His eyes watered, and his lips puckered, as he held the air in his lungs. The silence was long and painful, like a mother's grief. "What did you expect me to do?"

Ranveer's heart ached as he listened to his friend's words. He remembered the look on her face when she heard her father suggest a union between them - a union Ranveer had so desperately wanted, even though she hadn't known it. He wished he had taken the chance to express his feelings and finally try to win her heart - but now it was too late.

"She made it clear she never had and will never have an interest in me, Avi!" Ranveer protested, his tone rising with each word. He looked at the floor, then up at the ceiling. "How does one even go from there?" he asked, crossing his arms against his chest and shifting weight from one foot to the other.

Avinash heard the sadness and emptiness in his friend's voice; every word seemed like a heavy burden. He wished he could comfort him, yet he knew he had to make his friend face the truth before it was too late. His friend had almost been swallowed by the unforgiving darkness that surrounded them.

"I know you don't want to tell Aanchal, but you have to. I understand how hard this is for you, but she deserves to know the truth," he said as a pained expression clouded his face and he forced himself to smile weakly.

The man glared at his friend, rage and despair threatening to boil over behind his eyes. His thoughts churned like a raging thunderstorm, anger and anguish vying for supremacy. Pride and fear stood tall, unyielding walls amidst the chaotic battle of his heart and mind, shutting out any hope of compromise or forgiveness.

He wasn't fond of the idea of being the second option, and he knew the likelihood of his fiancée accepting to be the second option was lower compared to the chance of her severing ties with him.

The scarcity of incentive and the terror of rejection - again - had sewn his lips shut. The voice of reason in his mind reprimanded and rebuked him, and warned him of repenting his choice in the future, but for that moment, he had resigned to silence.

***

"That was an excellent presentation, Ms. Malhotra! You made your point - we should invest more in the mental health drug development. It is time we attempt to bring about a new generation of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics," said the chairperson of the Board of Star Pharmaceuticals, Mr. Prakash Raichand.

The recipient of the compliment allowed her naked lips to stretch into a small arc, but the muscles of her face remained stiff and unyielding.

"Let's take a snap for the social media posts to announce our new project," said Prakash, and the rest of the eight members of the board nodded in agreement as they shuffled to the head of the table.

The woman - Ms. Malhotra - tried to slither away to the corner with a straightened spine when Prakash's voice stopped her. "Suhani beta, where are you off to? This was your idea and you should be right in the center of the photo! Come!" said the man, gesturing towards the center of the huddled crowd.

Suhani Malhotra had to undertake a violent effort to keep her cool and force herself to breathe deeply when every cell in her body screamed for air. As the oxygen filled her lungs, she tried not to reflect on how pitiful it was that all her self-control could do was slow down her breathing; even so, the sound of air rushing through her throat was like desperate sobbing, as if she were trying to pull more life out of every breath.

Her preference for solo shots had earned her the tag of 'arrogant' and her father had urged her to appear more approachable by mingling with the employees and joining in with her peers. She had struggled to emulate the behaviors that came to her father and those around her almost like second nature.

Her less-than-pliant spine and the taut muscles at her jaw put off the members from making any physical contact with her, but the mere brushing of the shoulders when the photographer asked them to come closer to fit into the frame made a shudder run down her spine and her breathing turn short and shallow.

Being in close physical quarters with others was alike being trapped in a room whose walls closed in upon her, and it was only when the people forming those walls walked away after greeting her with a smile, that she could not reciprocate, that she could breathe. The oxygen flowing through her lungs filled her with a soothing pressure that exerted its force outward and pushed back against the tightness around her and eased it. She no longer felt confined to an enclosure but was part of the world again.

"You should meet son of Mr. Sinha, beta," said Prakash with a warm smile on his lips. "He returned from the US, completing his MBA from Harvard Business School. I feel he'd be a good match for you, considering your dedication to your work and your ambition."

Suhani tucked her hair behind her warm ears, taking a step away from the older man. "I'll think about it, uncle."

Prakash nodded. "Convey my regards to your father. It's been a while since I saw him."

Suhani hummed with a smile that failed to reach her eyes. "He has shut himself off after Vyom's death like he did when your mother passed away. I hope he's doing fine," said Prakash, missing the way Suhani clamped her mouth shut and averted her eyes from the worried man.

"I'm sorry, uncle. I just remembered I have another meeting to prepare for. I'll see you next week at the meeting," she said, picking her purse, ignoring the way Prakash's eyebrows knitted. With a tight-lipped smile, she staggered out of the conference room and towards her own office.

She closed the door behind her and let the walls holding her back crumble. The soundproof walls and the blinds offered her the comfort of privacy, but her sobs remained silent and dry.

It was supposed to be over. Yet, every day, she felt like a mouse in a snake pit, surrounded by vultures eagerly waiting for their turn to rip her apart. The demons danced a macabre waltz in her mind, devouring every shred of hope, leaving only despair and fear behind. Some days, she found the strength to fight them back with every fiber of her being; other days, she could only watch helplessly as they slowly consumed her soul. And that was one of those days when the darkness threatened to engulf her whole being.

The ache of loneliness and despair clawed at her chest like sharp talons. It was one of those days she felt so powerless without her mother, a hollow void that no amount of wealth nor prestige could fill. The losses in life seemed almost unbearable now, as though they magnified many times over while mocking her lack of choices and decisions. Her breath rattled and her heart thudded heavily, the echo of a cavernous abyss where peace should be.

***

I'll be posting this once a week - on every Friday. Not keeping too well and working on many fronts (med internship, CS50x course) to be able to post more often. Please VOTE and COMMENT!