Build me up, Buttercup.

Chapter Four: running through my head

POV: Leopold Stotch

The reflection I cast in the bathroom mirror was almost an empty shell of who I am. I just need a break, not a full mental breakdown.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

My hands rest on my cheeks, I stare at the squished face in front of me. Do I really pass off as happy that well? I hope so. I wouldn't want to trouble anyone any more than I already do.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

The faucet squeaks when I turn it, the cold water runs into my hands before it's quickly splashed on my face. Repeating this action a few times, I squeak the faucet back off.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

My hands grip at the sink basin. The empty shell is starting to resemble me more; he's got puffy red eyes, face soaking in water, hair slightly dampened drooping down around his face, and chest heaving time and time again.

I've got to get a grip. I bend over the sink and run my fingers in my hair. Eyes squeezed shut, hands tight around my scalp.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

My hands become loose as I stand up straight. I make a stern face at myself in the mirror before finally rubbing the dripping water into my face.

"Now you listen here, mister; you're going to get yourself back to class and be normal. You're overreacting again and it's going to affect those around you. So toughen up and do your schoolwork."

My lip quivers. Who am I kidding?

Shaky breath in, shaky breath out.
No matter the quality of breath, it can't help you if you don't try.

I shouldn't be upset about any of these stupid nightmares anymore, I'm fixed and have been fixed for a long time! Though I had tried to keep it off my mind, what Eric said earlier brought the nightmare back into full. That's why I had asked for a pass to the bathrooms.

---

Once Eric entered the room, and finished talking back to Mrs. Garrison, he made a bee-line to the seat behind me. After he'd gotten settled, I heard a harsh whisper next to my ear.

"Hey Butters?"

I turn over my shoulder and whisper back to him. After asking what he wanted, he told me something that made the world slow around me.

"I hadn't realized you were such a fag. If you didn't want to do my homework, then don't send your fucking boyfriend on me. It's just homework."

Taken aback by this sudden outburst, I sit still for a while, not sure what to say. "Yeah. Yeah it is! I can still do it for you if. If you still wanted me to?"

"Whatever, I already got an F on it. Thanks a lot, Butters. You know I always rely on you for my homework and you really let me down."

A nervous giggle escapes my throat, "I'm really sorry, Eric. I'll help you next time, I promise." After a few minutes of some extremely uncomfortable silence, I brace myself and ask "Hey. Eric? I know I've asked this before, I'm sorry it's so annoying, but could you please stop calling me a.. Well you know.. A fag..? I guess it just re-"

"No."

I stayed still; though I made no sound, my mouth was stuck as if I was still speaking.

"...no? Well.. Well why not?"

"Because I can say what I want to, fuckin pansy. It's not my fault you get fucked in the ass by some guy who doesn't even like you. That is really fucking gay."

Staring blankly, my eyes started to sting and my throat started to close up. "What are you talking about?"

He rolls his eyes and turns back around in his seat. Not one noise could be heard from Eric Cartman as he sat turned away from me.

Sitting and staring, almost frozen for a while, I raise my hand. and ask for a pass. Walking by Eric, I hear him mutter something still lingering in my mind.

"Fucking faggot."

---

I'll be okay. Honest, I will! My mind is finally dismissing the remembrance of last night. Now I can get back to class without a care in the world.

Good 'ol cheerful, Butters.

Giving myself a thumbs up, I head back to class with nothing but positive thoughts. Well, it's not hard to lie to myself at least.