You Can't Hear Her (WATTYS2015)

Five // Sadness

"Maybe life isn't for everyone."

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"What is going on?" Jelly whispered in a rush. Her hand slowly landed onto my shoulder and she squeezed it. It was warm and comforting. I could only shake my head to tell her that I had no idea what was going on. I turned around and faced her. Her eyes were still focused on Drew's door but she walked past me into my room. I followed behind her and made sure to shut my door.

"In all my life I have never seen that door empty! Stevie, this is like a movie! Like one of those mysteries when someone becomes something totally different." She took in a deep breath of air, "then they like go solving it. I can be your assistant, or whatever is cooler." Jelly's eyes had stars in them again. She always wants our lives to be like the movies. But, that moment was too much for me. I didn't want my older sister gone.

I had put my hand up in a stop motion. "Jelly," I pleaded. She didn't know what I knew and she still hadn't put the pieces together. Jelly could not understand the severity of this all. "Just be quiet and wait here. I am going to talk to her. Screw my mom." I had set down my bag and with that act, Jelly opened her eyes wide. She didn't like disobeying my mom.

"Stevie," she began slightly standing up. She wanted to come along also.

"No Jelly, you cannot listen in." She frowned and sat back down. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest in defeat. 

I faced my sisters empty door and had knocked. She never answered so, I just walked in there. Drew had been sitting on her cushioned bench in front of her window. It was her favorite place to read and to just think. Nothing was odd except for the fact that she sat there staring at nothing in particular. This would become a regular occurrence with Drew.

"Drew," I slowly whispered but she didn't turn to me. She didn't even acknowledge my presence. I walked toward her and rested my hand on her arm. She had flinched instantly at my touch and pulled back from me. She suddenly seemed smaller. She was always the shorter sister but this was a new kind of small.

Her hair was that fake golden blonde that at first I thought was trendy. I hated it now because it made Drew seem less her and farther away from me. Actually, it was more yellow than blonde. My mom screeched when Drew face timed us with her newly done hair. Her beautiful black Asian hair was destroyed. My sister, for some reason, always had a problem with being half Chinese. It was somewhat obvious, but the eyes were the only real tell. We both looked about the same, not one of us was more Asian than the other. I was proud though and Drew wasn't because she said it always called attention. We were always told we were cute, a cute mix.

With her yellow hair, Drew already didn't look like herself. Her sullen mood did not help matters. "Drew, please talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. I am your best friend, your sister." I pleaded for her to just speak. For her to just speak to me.

She turned to me and all the light in her eyes were gone. She had opened her mouth as if to speak but shut it again. I just wanted to know what was wrong with my sister. I wanted to know what was so terrible that she couldn't go back to school. That she couldn't tell me.

"It's hard, Stevie. I don't want to be here." She was looking down but then she looked straight into my eyes. She whispered, "I don't want to be anywhere." It sent shivers throughout my body.

"Tell me, D." I softly demanded. I was here for her and I hoped she felt that somewhere in her heart.

She shook her head. Her hair was matted and gross. Her skin was also oily and her clothes were ones from two days ago. She hadn't moved since she came back.

"Alright, can you at least shower for me Drew? It will make you feel a whole lot better." I was trying to sound so damn positive. I was not only trying to convince her, but also me. Okay, I wanted everything to be okay.

She rose up. I towered over Drew by at least three inches. I was the big little sister and I definitely felt the part right then. I directed her toward the shower while also grabbing some clean pajamas. At least she had unpacked her suitcase.

"One day, I'll tell you Stevie. You're just too little right now." I suppressed all urges to roll my eyes. I was old enough. I had a boyfriend up until a week ago and we had gotten to second base. He was a senior so obviously I was a mature sophomore.

"I'm old enough." I said as a matter of fact. Drew turned back to me and gave me a look. A look I still don't understand and probably never will.

"No," she said like it was final.

I guess Drew really did realize I was old enough. That, or she just couldn't take the lies and pain anymore. Because a week later she told me the horrible truth I was "too young" for. Drew was dead the next few days.