You Can't Hear Her (WATTYS2015)

Eight // Truth

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
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Drew had always been quiet. So quiet, I've always had to speak for the both of us. So when she told me she was at a party when the incident happened, I was shocked. Drew didn't go to crowded places and she definitely didn't go to parties.

"I was at a party," she repeated. I had stared at her like I didn't know her. I was surprised and I would have been happy for her. I would have been happy she finally broke out of her shell. Except, I couldn't be happy because something at this party changed her. This something had changed my whole family but me. At least, it didn't change me until she died. That's when the real damage emerged.

"I went to this party with a girl on my floor. She was pretty, loud, and everyone loves her. She was you, Stevie. I thought that since she was like you, maybe she could be my best friend. Except she wasn't you. She made me change my hair and my clothes. I wasn't me anymore and I didn't mind because I was suddenly special." Drew's eyes watered and she held my hand. She was wearing her favorite light blue sweater from Express. It's really soft and comforting, and she had been wearing it almost every day since she had came back. I wanted to be her sweater for her.

"You are special, Drew." I said this in an urging tone because she had to believe it. It is true. I may be friends with the popular kids but Drew had a friend in everyone. She was smart and genuinely kind. Everyone couldn't help but love her.

Drew shook her head but squeezed my hand harder. With a small smile, she continued. "So I decide to go to a party with her. It was the biggest of the year for this fraternity. I had been to a couple and this girl had been to a million. I thought it was fine."

"It should have been fine," I said angrily. I knew something happened with Drew and a boy. I eavesdropped, and I just knew shy Drew would only be spooked by a boy. I just didn't know it was way more terrible than I had imagined.

"I had one too many. I wanted to impress Stella and her sorority sisters. It was like a test to let me in and..."

"And you never fail a test," I said for her. "You never fail a damn test." My shoulders slumped down.

Drew flinched. She believed I was angry with her but I wasn't. God, I was mad at Stella. I was mad at Stella's sorority sisters. I was mad at him. Damn him. I was mad that Drew felt she had something to prove because she didn't. She never did.

"I was drunk. I got separated from the group. I wandered and I found him, the cute guy everyone knew and wanted. He didn't know my name but he wanted me."

I had looked at her like I didn't know her anymore. Drew looked away from me in shame. Her bottom lip quivered and she wrapped her arms around herself. She had a sweater but she still felt naked. Before she spoke again, a single tear fell down her cheek and I followed it. It was like slow motion as I watched it flow down her flawless cheek and onto my pink bedspread. It soaked in and I looked back up at her.

"I wanted it at first, Stevie, but I didn't want it all. He started holding me down and he.." Drew's voice broke and she was shaking. I grabbed her hand because it was the only thing I could do. I hated that.

With a deep breath she kept on with the story I dreaded to hear. "I tried saying no but I was drunk and scared, and couldn't find the words. I couldn't find the words until he was finally in me, until he finally was destroying me. I screamed no but nobody heard me!"

Drew was hysterical at this point. I wrapped her in the tightest hug I could muster and rubbed her back gently. "You don't have to tell me anymore. I love you Drew and no matter what you didn't deserve this."

My shoulder had quickly became drenched from her tears. We had lost track of time and at some point we were both crying and cuddling in bed. Some time later, after I was done crying and Drew still was, our mom came and crawled into bed with us.

"My babies," she had said with her voice cracking. Behind her, my dad had followed in with our favorite Chinese tea in small periwinkle mugs. He passed us our mugs and had also crawled into bed with us. I hoped Drew felt the love and I hoped she still felt somewhat lucky to have us.

We spent the whole night crying for Drew, and for the guilt we felt because we couldn't stop it. We couldn't stop the rape and we couldn't stop the pain she felt now.

We couldn't stop what came next.