Autopsy (English version)

Prequel

« It's cold outside, I guess December's really here », those were my only truly sane words since what feels like a while... When I got up this morning, I had this urge to go outside. Every year, the news reports the most delightful Christmas decorations and strives to write about The Ultimate Christmas Activities. I can't really explain my attraction for this season, all I know is somehow it's kind of healing. And I really need some of that at the moment, so I thought I would give this special setlist a shot...

As the day passed by, I slowly and diligently fulfilled my To-Do-List by the afternoon. I got a bit tired of all the agitation and started to look for somewhere to sit down for a bit... « at least for 10 to 15 minutes », I said. So, I sat. On this old bench that seems to have crossed centuries of History and histories, but yet felt like a nice place to rest. As I cooled down, I started to look around me. A city full of life, joy, laughter, hysteria, hope as the the approach of a new promising year. That's what hit me. I keep thinking and overthink how much of an outcast I felt, undergo a big wave made of what if, why me, what the fuck and a whole bunch of others questions and reflexions...

Suddenly someone sat beside me, barely noticeable but I could feel its presence. It could have been anyone who wanted to tie their shoes, who needed a rest, who was waiting for someone... It could have been for anything... until they engage in the conversation : « Hi there ! What's bringing you here ? ». Once again, I could've walk away, I could've stay silent, I could've stared at them or I could've pretend that I didn't hear them. I could've done all of them at once too. But surprisingly, I answered back : « I'm stuck ». No getting back, the talk was set up :

« - What do you mean by that ?

- I don't know... and that's exactly the problem... there is something wrong with me... something off but I can't figure what, how and why.

- Well, how about we figure it out, together ? Go on, tell me what's wrong ?

- Sure, but where the fuck do I start ?

- Let's start from the very beginning. »