Whispered Secrets • BrightWin

Two

TWO

Upon reaching the on-call room, Xio's body gave in to the exhaustion that had been accumulating within him. He collapsed at the edge of the bed, his back slumping, and his knees trembling in weakness. With a lump on his throat, he resisted the urge to break down, his emotions threatening to overwhelm him.

"It's fine, Xio... it's fine," he muttered to himself, his voice a combination of self-assurance and self-reproach. Guilt hung heavily on his shoulders like a weight he was unable to remove. He was emotionally drained, his energy depleted, and he needed a moment to collect himself.

His eyes glued on the ceiling above him as he struggled to organize his thoughts. The chaos of the earlier events replayed in his mind, each detail engraved vividly. He was plagued by the conviction that he had acted irresponsibly and had allowed his feelings to influence his judgment in a crucial situation. Shame coursed through him, a sour aftertaste in his mouth as he confronted his own shortcomings.

He had through rigorous training to become a professional, to prioritize the well-being of the patients above all else, and to leave personal concerns at the door. But in that crucial moment, he had allowed his emotions to overpower his training.

"It's fine, Xio... please," he repeated the words as if they were a mantra, an attempt to soothe the turmoil within him. He needed to reassure himself that he could learn from this mistake and move forward. The internal battle between his professional identity and the weight of his emotions waged on, as he grappled with the aftermath of his lapse in focus.

Amidst his thoughts, a shard of emotional pain impaled Xio's chest, a sharp and unbearable sensation that he despised. This feeling was worse than any physical wound, a relentless ache that seemed to claw at his very core. He shifted on the bed, his hand instinctively pressing against his chest as if trying to alleviate the pain physically.

The tinnitus, a persistent ringing in his ears, had begun to haunt him. It was particularly pronounced at night when the world around him was quiet, leaving the incessant sound unchecked. He squeezed his eyes shut, attempting to shut out the noise, but it only seemed to grow louder.

As his eyes remained shut, his mind began to play tricks on him. An agonizing montage of memories from his past scrolled through his thoughts like a movie reel, each image a vivid reminder of moments he wished he could forget. He clenched his teeth, fighting against the onslaught of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him.

With a shaking head, he forced himself to open his eyes and take in his surroundings. The tiny, cramped on-call room seemed to close in around him, adding to the suffocating feeling that had gripped his chest. His fingers tightened around the fabric of his scrubs, the familiar material grounding him to present.

His vision blurred as the first hot tear escaped, rolling down his cheek. He choked back a sob, a mixture of frustration and sadness welling up within him. He had thought he had moved past this, that he had buried these emotions deep within him. But moments like these proved that the pain was still very much alive, simmering beneath the surface.

Inside the on-call room, he finally let go. Tears streamed down his cheeks, and his body shook as he embraced vulnerability. For so long, he'd been the strong one, masking his pain. Leaning against his fists, he released the weight he'd carried. Sobs echoed, a treatment to his burden.

Minutes passed, the storm of emotion subsiding. He lifted his tear-streaked face, brushing away the tears with his palm. He acknowledged that being human meant not having all answers. Standing, he faced his reflection with reddened eyes. He let out a sigh, hurriedly wiped away his tears, and made a hasty decision to change out of his scrubs.