The Very Thought of You

Chapter 3

"It was completely humiliating." I said, falling into my best friend, Hanna's lap. It's been a week since my alleged date with Myles and he hasn't called me. I wanted him to call. But after that night, he was sure to ignore me forever.

"I freaking shut down like I always do when the story of Trevor has to be told." I said, rolling away the water in my eyes. "Is it wrong to like Myles when I still love Trevor?"

Hanna rubbed my back, "No, honey. Of course not. If you ask me, what you're feeling is normal. Guilt is gonna come, okay?"

"I wanna date Myles. But I'll feel like I'm cheating on Trevor which is crazy." I said, sitting up. My eyes darted across my room to the mirror with all the pictures of Trevor on them.

Hanna followed my gaze, "Look, I know you miss Trevor. I do too. But I've learned to move on and accept that fact that he's gone. Maybe you should do the same."

"How?" I asked.

She sighed, "Box the pictures, Ellie. Frame one and keep it on your dresser. You can't keep torturing yourself like this. It's normal to miss him. But you have to move on at some point. And if you want things to work out with Myles then you have to tell him what happened. He's not a mind reader. He probably thinks you have a boyfriend which is why he didn't call."

I always hated when Hanna was right about something. If I wanted Myles then he had to know about Trevor. Someone knocked on my bedroom door. Hanna got up and opened it before hugging, Cyrus. He had been Trevor's best friend. Cyrus smiled at me and closed the door, "You called?"

"Yes," I sighed.

Cyrus sat down on the bed and I crawled into his arms like a little girl. Ever since Trevor passed, he has been there for me like a brother. I told him about Myles and he agreed with Hanna. I thought he'd at least have a different opinion considering that Trevor was his best friend. But unfortunately he agreed with Hanna.

"Come on," Cyrus said. "I'll take you to talk to him."

He dragged me out of the bed and drove to the park. Hanna wanted to come too but she had to go home and unpack. She'd just come home from a three week vacation in the Bahamas. When we got to the park, I spotted Myles sitting on a bench watching Shane play.

Cyrus and I got out of the car just as Myles spotted us. Cyrus hugged me and I hugged him back tightly.

"Look, I gotta go pick up my sister from soccer practice. But I'll be back to pick you up in an hour." He said before kissing my forehead.

I watched him drive away before walking over to Myles slowly. I sat next to him and after a while he sighed.

"You didn't call." I said.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I just didn't want to talk to you knowing that you had a boyfriend. You guys seem happy. I don't wanna ruin that."

I looked at him confusingly, "God, no. Cyrus isn't my boyfriend. He's a really good friend. I lost my boyfriend."

"You say lost as if he died." Myles said.

Tears filled my eyes and I looked into Myles' green eyes, "He did. Last summer."

Myles nodded and put his hand over my knee, "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." I said, wiping my eyes.

He shook his head, "I shouldn't have pressured the whole date thing. No wonder you shut down the other night."

"Sorry about that." I said, "I just wasn't sure if dating you would be right considering I still love Trevor."

"You're always gonna love him," Myles said slowly.

I nodded and smiled. I was happy that he hadn't asked to hear the story of how it had happened. Usually that was the first question that people would ask when they found out about Trevor.

"Shane hasn't stopped talking about you." Myles laughed, "Dad either. He asked when's the next time you're gonna come around."

"Well a lot if our second date goes well." I said with a smile.

"Elease Samuels, are you admitting that our first date was indeed a first date?" Myles asked sarcastically.

"Indeed it was." I giggled.