Pun of the Week

A solemn, moving story of 2 grannies and their wanton noodles

Granny Wu was tending to her hawker centre food stall as usual. It was a very successful family business.

Grandma Wu, who lived 2000 years ago, had passed down the Ultimate Secret Sacred Recipe of Ultimate Secret Sacred Wanton Noodles which led to the business success. The women of the Wu family who could cook it were known as the wanton mistresses.

As Madam Wu made bowls of Ultimate Secret Sacred Wanton Noodles for her customers, she saw a stall that had been vacant for years open up. Selling wanton noodles.

"Meh!" she thought proudly. "No wanton noodles can beat Grandma Wu's!"

To her shock, she witnessed her devoted, long-time regular customers flocking to that stall.

"Nooooooo!" she thought, sobbing. Filled with rage, she used her wanton mistress power of Clairvoyance Only Extended To Wanton Noodle Stalls to see the evil wanton noodle-seller.

She gasped. It was her cousin, Gramps Wu!

He must have stolen the recipe higher than hers, the Ancient Godlike Ultimate Secret Sacred Wanton Noodles Recipe!!! A single taste of it was so overwhelming, it knocked out its tasters!!! A mere whiff will send crowds after it like dogs!

"Filth!" Granny Wu screeched, racing over Granny Style. Gramps Wu caught sight of Granny Wu and his eyes widened. The customers, sensing her dark aura of hatred, parted like the Red Sea before Moses to let her through.

"Gramps Wu! How dare you steal the Ancient Godlike Ultimate Secret Sacred Wanton Noodles Recipe!" she screamed. "And you're a man, it's illegal to become a wanton mistress!!!"

"I am not Gramps Wu!" Gramps Wu bellowed. "My name is Granny Wu, so therefore I can become a wanton mistress, man or not!"

"You dare insult Grandma Wu! You are not allowed to touch the forbidden recipe!" Granny Wu shouted. "And how dare you steal my name!"

"Look," Gramps/Granny Wu said smugly, holding out a paper.

I, Gramps Wu, officially change my name to Granny Wu. The current Granny Wu is hereby demoted to Old Lady Wu.

Witnessed by: me who else

"What! Since when did you become a higher position!" Old Lady Wu spat.

"Since now!" Granny Wu stuck out his tongue at her.

"You get out of this hawker centre now, in the name of the Wanton Noodle God!"

"Never, Old Lady Wu! You are disgracing Grandma Wu with your immature actions! The Ancient Godlike Ultimate Secret Sacred Wanton Noodles will forever beat your less-heavenly recipe! Nya-na-na-nya-nya!"

"Say one more word and I will call the Wanton Noodle Police!!" Old Lady Wu threatened, whipping out her early-20th century mobile phone.

"You - you dirty wanton mistress!"

When things started to become physical, the customers hurried forward to pull them apart. Both were sent to the police.

"Reflect on your actions," said the police officer. "If you do not want to disgrace your Grandma or Wanton Noodle God."

"OK," said Old Lady Wu immediately, "sorry dude."

"Yeah," said Granny Wu, "I'm sorry, too. I'll go back to being Gramps Wu. You can go back to Granny Wu."

They held hands and skipped towards the horizon together, living happily ever after in their respective lives as wanton mistress and non-wanton mistress.

THE END.