I feel like an outcast. In everything I do, I feel so different. Being different is a good thing. Until it gets to the point where nobody understands you. When it gets to the point that you feel like you don't belong. I don't belong anywhere. Not a period to a powerful sentence. Not a comma that creates affect. I don't belong anywhere.
I'm born to be in between the lines–invisible. People see me when they choose to. People see me only when they can look through everybody else. I'm something people don't pay attention to. I've gone through my life being ignored by everybody. I've gone through life being nitpicked for everything I do, making me hate myself down to the last drop of ink. I'm invisible.
I've gone through my life with only a small sliver of hope that this is just how being a teenager is. I've told myself things will get better and they do. Only occasionally. I always spiral after only two days, reminding myself that I can't always block out this feeling of uselessness. It's always there. Following me. Attached to my side. I can't get rid of it. I'm so useless.
I've grown to hate myself. I hate how my skin is red and bumpy. I hate how I don't have a prominent jawline. I hate how I have chubby hands. I hate how I have scars that are pure black. I hate that I have no friends. I hate that I'm so scared of people. I hate how I have no talent. I hate how I can't love. I hate how I feel when I look in the mirror. I hate washing my body because it's so pointless to wash something that has no meaning. It's so pointless. Everything is so pointless. I am so pointless.
Everything is so painful. I have no good reason to continue living. I don't understand what the point of life is. I try to work hard, but I'm only reminded of how far people my age have gotten with so little effort. I've done nothing important in my life. Nothing worthwhile. My life has been a waste of space ever since my first day. I bring nothing to the world.
I'm the space in between the lines. I'm unnoticeable to the people who stay on the lines in bold letters and extravagant fonts. I couldn't compare to the sentence starters and the powerful chapters that leave an impact on readers. I am nothing. Not even an apostrophe. Nothing. Empty space. Nothing. There is nothing.
I am nothing.
YOU ARE READING
ink | a look into how i feel
Poesíai'm a teenager. i'm unable to tell anybody in real life how i feel and think. i feel insane. i feel invisible. i'm always able to express my thoughts when i write. so, i am. dms always open if you need somebody to talk to. i'm a safe space.
