Never there

You were never there. Even when you were there you were never there. You didn't even want to have me. So all you did was disregard me. Drugs, and alcohol were all you cared about oh and your princess. She could do no wrong but that's all I did. You blamed me for being sick and told me I was taking you from what you really cared about. Your drugs and drinking were all you wanted to do while I was dying in a hospital bed. And you always put the princess above me I was a peasant in your eyes. You didn't care if I lived or died you didn't want me to be here anyway so what's the point of caring. Then you used me for addiction because who could say no to the mother or father with a child in the hospital, I spent hours weeks days outside when I could barely stand or breathe trying to raise money to live and all you did was spend it on yourself and your addiction. You used my pain and misery to get free drugs and to have people but you alcohol because your daughter was sick and they felt bad. THEY FELT BAD FOR YOU WHAT ABOUT ME?? I had freaking cancer and could have died at any given point on one of those tables and you could care less. You want to be parents of the year now that I'm older but those things stuck with me and hurt me for the past 21 fucking years and I'm done. I'm done being a pawn in your little game and I'm done letting you make me feel bad for what I put you through when I was dying if you didn't want me when you were pregnant then why do you want me now. Your princess will always be your number one in the world I'm the peasant you got stuck with because your afraid of abortions after your mom forced you to get one and you found out to late with me and you were forced to keep me. You were forced to be a mom again and you wanted nothing to do with me. I'm sorry I was a disappointment to you and that you had to do drugs in the bathrooms or cars of hospital rooms while I was sick but I'm not sorry about the fact that I just don't care enough anymore. I don't care because I know it's not because you didn't know how to be a mom or it was new to you for fucks sake I'm your 4th kid! I don't care because I know every day of the rest of my life I'll espire to be everything you weren't for my daughter because I love her I truly love her. Not like the so called love you have for me that is forced it's a love that really means something.