I did it

Reflection - Paige

I stare down at the crippled shape of my best friend, hate and loathing en-cloaking my thoughts. Her once long, luscious, blonde locks had been reduced to tousled clumps on her head, shaved down to a minimum. The fear and confusion flood me again and I can't focus, my ethereal shape standing behind her and directing my eyes towards her, her body racked by sobs.

Nana Arabella's wrinkly hand reaches my shoulder and she pulls herself closer to me, her eyes set on Chelsea.

"Bambina, you must let go, forgiv-e. If you do a-not, the after-life will never com-e," her strong Italian accent struggling to hide. But I don't think I can, especially when I don't know what drove her to do this to me, to cause me such unbearable pain I was taken in by the Lord, only to find that I wasn't able to enjoy the pleasures of what one gets after they pass but that I had to forgive her. The girl who drove a bullet in me and caused everyone such a horrible pain they wished death upon themselves.

And then the memories rush back to me, the ones that didn't allow me to forgive.

I watch as Chelsea stumbles into the room, rage and cloudy contempt storming in her eyes, as shiny object glinting the light off it. What is she doing? I ask myself. Her hands begin to shake as she raises what is clearly a gun up into the air, the chamber where the bullet comes out of pointed at myself. 

"Chelsea, what are you doing?" I try to speak with calmness and certainty but my voice shook with fear. She didn't back down. The sleek weapon still pointed at me. 

Fear crashed over my body even stronger this time, forcing me to raise my arms above my head as my heart raced, feeling like the fastest car in the world speeding down a highway. I watched closely as tears began to cascade out of Chelsea's eyes, forming small puddles on the clean, marble floor but the aim did not cease and so before I could think another thought, an unimaginable pain rattled my body with a piercing force. I couldn't see her anymore but I did hear her fall to the fall sobbing.

"No, no," the gun scraped the floor, "NO, NO, NO!"

Then the pain was gone as well as all the feeling from my body, stolen from me as consciousness remained even if nothing else did.

I watch as Chelsea looks up at the sky and begs for forgiveness through the endless tears of regret, as if she knew I was there.

"I'm so sorry, so so sorry. I ruined you, I tore everything away from you and I don't deserve forgiveness but I need it, please. I don't know what to do to earn back your trust but I need to hug you and say sorry, to tell you I never meant to hurt you, to tell you I miss you before I go to hell,"

Whether she was talking to Him or to me, it was obvious her pain was worse than the bullet piercing me, an immense guilt swallowing her up completely and I couldn't leave her like that but this takes time, she hurt my mom, she hurt my dad, she hurt Neil, she hurt my friends and their pain put together is far worse than what she is going through, so I must let her recover by herself, then I'll see if I can still forgive. I'll see if  I can wear away at the pain she caused me and everyone I love.

I turn to meet Nana Arabella's features, the wrinkled, stern features with hints of Christmas-like glints in her sweet, wise eyes.

"I don't know if I can, Angel told me I had to but I need more time, sorry to deprive from heaven right now but I don't know if I can yet,"

Her comprehensive, angry Italian manner directed towards me.

"Forgiv-a-ness is essential, I know she kill you but if you do not-a forgiv-e, you not see heaven again, not forgiving is the the same bad-a-ness that other sinner commit,"

I don't know yet. I think I'll need more than a crumpled Chelsea to forgive her.