Burgess Owens Chomps on Cheese

Chompy Cheesy Boy

In the light of a lamppost, I saw him. U.S. Representative Burgess Owens, from Utah's 4th Congressional District. He sat alone outside a café in the day's waning hours. Perhaps ordering a late night treat after a hard day's work in Washington.

A waiter appeared and asked Burgess Owens how he was this fine evening, but Burgess didn't respond. He simply waved a hand, but the waiter seemed to understand perfectly. "The usual, sir," said the waiter. "Of course. I'll have that right out for you."

A moment later the waiter brought out an enormous wheel of cheese. A massive disk, larger than my head at least, made of pure yellow cheese. The waiter set the wheel carefully on Burgess Owens' table. "Your cheese, sir. Just how you like it. I'll leave you alone with it."

And the waiter disappeared.

Burgess Owens picked up the cheese wheel and chomped a huge bite. "I love cheese!" shouted Burgess Owens. "I love chomping on cheese! I'm a chompy cheesy boy!"

He took another huge bite. "It's glorious! Take me to my cheese paradise! Where the rivers flow with fondue and the foliage smells of fromage!"

Burgess Owens ate bigger and bigger bites of cheese. The wheel was halfway gone. Then Burgess Owens took a possum out of his pocket.

"My precious pet possum! Feast on this exquisite cheese with me! Let us be brothers in cheese!"

Together Burgess Owens and his possum polished off the giant cheese wheel. "Long live the chompy cheesy boys!" screamed Burgess Owens.