Through Ash and Dust (ROTB)

Chapter 14

Dear Diary,

It has been...a very interesting couple weeks now. I have lost so much in such a short time. Words cannot express how deep my feelings are in regards to the pain that I feel. I feel like the world that I knew has shown its ugly face, and told me I am not worthy to live in this world. That is just how it feels to me, honestly. I had such a terrific career, and I was about to become someone important...then it was taken from me. That feeling is something I am never going to forget.

Everything just feels so pointless now. I am alive, but I no longer wake up and feel like that I am living. I no longer have an apartment to go back to. I have lost so much weight, that even I can see my own ribs and hips...but I don't care. Even with the new beings I have met, I am not happy here. But leaving doesn't seem much better. It's a shadow that seems intent on following me everywhere...no matter what town or city I live in.

Mirage and Bumblebee still do their best to try and make me smile. They do happen to succeed everyday. I appreciate their efforts, if I am honest. But I am still too scared to open up for a friendship. I am too scared that it will happen again. Mirage and Bumblebee claim that they won't push me aside, but I know that is not true. Once they find a way home, they are not going to look back. They've already made an indication of their distaste for this world, even when they say they see the beauty in it.

Arcee has softened up too, strangely enough. She seems to be the most loyal of them all, and yet, now that my ankle is healed enough, she's opted to take me for drives to girl time. She claims she gets a little tired being surrounded by those three all the time, and it is nice to talk to her. It is from Arcee I am actually understanding more of their situation. Arcee, while respecting Optimus's command, still gives me little pieces of information about their world. I feel for them.

I guess we are just in the same kind of boat. After all, I just feel as though I am drifting.

Closing her diary, Saphira stared at the ceiling of the cab as Optimus continued to drive through the streets of New York. It has been another week and a half at this point, and she had left her apartment a few days ago. Optimus has allowed her to store her clothes, blankets, feminine products and hygiene in the cab, as she didn't have anywhere else to store it. Though Bumblebee and Mirage also offered to take some, which she has accepted for the moment.

Now that she was not in her apartment, and that she no longer had to go to court, as both Claudia and Dylan were charged, sued and given a restraining order by the judge, and they both have been sent to jail for a couple years. And she has also won a large settlement from Arthur as well, which has resulted in him needing to sell off assets, and his business was starting to crumble due to it. But Saphira felt no sympathy for any of them. They got what they deserve, as far as she was concerned.

But with nothing else to do, Saphira had been roped into staying with the autobots. It didn't matter now if it was during the day. She did not mind though. The only time she would interact with people is when she needed to buy some water, food or make use of the laundromat. She did have to convince Optimus to allow her to use public bathrooms to shower and use the toilet, though Saphira was not having showers as regularly as she used to.

She checked the time on her watch and saw it was just after noon. She sighed and just stared at the ceiling. She has not done much, other than keep an eye out of Transit. They really have found more of his trail, but it kept disappearing that she was certain that he was toying with the autobots. She knew that it made them angry each time it happened, but they could only keep trying. And at this point, she was convinced Transit was a bus. They kept following his trail on the bus routes, and that was the main reason why she thought that. But since they seemed to not catch him, he was certainly outsmarting them.