What if I told you the sky wasn't really blue? It's a soft white with blue patches.
Some days it's a smoky grey that's water-filled. But between the grey the white still peeks through.
But that doesn't really make sense does it? Everyone can clearly see the sky is blue. Even when it's hidden under the white clouds or covered by a rain storm.
What if I told you I was afraid of heights? The thought of being up way to high.
I don't know if it's adrenaline or anxiety that makes my heart race when I look down but it's enough to make me cry.
The fear of falling and not knowing if I'm going if I'll land safely or break into a million pieces.
So I try to avoid the risk that come with climbing to keep myself safe.
But what if I told you high places aren't the only thing to trigger that anxiety? Just like with a clear blue sky it's not hard to see.
With this fear I've developed a toxic reaction: I break down and close myself up real tight once I start to feel something more that just a physical attraction.
Just like with heights I'm afraid of falling in like;
In lust;
In love; and breaking into a million pieces.
Again.
It's been exactly 2months. Such a short amount of time but it feels like years. With each passing day my anxiety increases.
I'm pushing you away because I'm afraid you'll see each damaged part.
The closed up wounds.
The scars that now hold together my multi-fractured heart.
The imperfections I hide behind my smile that first caught your attention.
The hesitation I hold in my touch every time I reach out.
The fear I hold in my eyes every time I look at you.
So what if I told you the sky wasn't really blue?
What if I told you I'm afraid of falling deeper for you..
YOU ARE READING
I Used to Love Him
RomanceA story of how many times we can fall in love; or what we believe to be love. They say the hardest part is letting go and moving on. But I think the hardest part is not carrying over the past. Not comparing something old to something new.
