Mind of Steel | Part two | L.N.

CXV

Lando stared at the video in front of him. He saw Leah's face behind the triangle on the screen. He didn't think he could do it. 

He had been given this video hours ago and all he could do was stare at her through the screen. Stare at his Leah. His wife. He was still waiting for her to walk through the door.  

Charles and Cassidy had finally gotten him out of the hospital room so they could move her body down to the morgue, but Lando couldn't let her out of his sight. He wanted to follow her to the morgue, but they wouldn't let him. 

They forced him to come back home without her. The others were sitting in the living room, but he was sitting on his bedroom floor staring at the laptop. They didn't want to leave him home alone. 

Not in their home. Her home.

They all received videos, but he couldn't watch his. He wasn't sure he could handle hearing her voice. Not so soon after.

He was hoping this was all a nightmare and she would come out to give him a hug. He could really use a hug from her. He missed her so much that it hurt for him to breathe without her near him. He took a deep breath and finally clicked the space bar. Leah sighed and rubbed her palms on her pants.

"I wrote down some things I needed to make sure to say," She smiled at the camera. Lando shook his head as he took a deep breath. 

"I'm so sorry if you didn't get to say goodbye to me, believe me, that is not something I would have wanted to do to any of you. Well, I'm not saying I wanted to die either, or that I'm going to," Leah sighed and looked at the camera. "God this is horribly morbid I'm like putting it in the air." 

She laughed. Lando covered his mouth trying to contain a sob as Leah continued to live through the video.

"Well, it's just an insurance policy," Another woman's voice was heard.

"Oh, Lan won't know who you are," She turned the camera to show a woman in a suit. She gave a small wave from her desk.

"Don't make the video too long though, Leah. Unless you want it to be that long that's fine. This is your goodbye video, but you told me to remind you to look at your card," Leah laughed. She set up the camera once again. 

Lando paused the video as his whole body shook. He couldn't hear her laugh. He would never be able to hear her laugh in person again. Only from old videos and now this. Her goodbye video. 

There was a knock on the door and Lando shook his head. He couldn't get up. He couldn't leave her like this. He couldn't eat. He didn't want her to leave him. He didn't know how to live.

"Why?" He could barely get the words out. "Leah."

"She didn't want to go either." Lando was surprised to hear his best mate's voice. Max.

He must have flown from London as soon as the news spread about what happened. Lando couldn't even move from the floor. He tried to get up to hug Max, but his legs gave out again. He pressed his forehead into the carpet as Max tried to hug him. 

"I can't," Lando looked back at the screen. "I can't hear her laugh, or see her smile. I won't ever see that again. I won't hear her sing or hear her speak to Pippin. She's gone and there wasn't anything I could do to save her. She's gone. My Leah is gone and I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. Max, I wanted her back. I need her."

Lando felt like he could throw up. His entire body hurt. It hurt him to move, to breathe, to think. It hurt him to feel. He didn't know how to feel better. He needed Leah back. He just needs Leah. He didn't understand why that was so hard to ask.