Mind of Steel | Part two | L.N.

CXV

Lando stared at the video in front of him. He saw Leah's face behind the triangle on the screen. He didn't think he could do it. He had been given this video hours ago and all he could do was stare at her through the screen. Stare at his Leah. His wife. He was still waiting for her to walk through the door.  Charles and Cassidy had finally gotten him out of the hospital room so they could move her body down to the morgue, but Lando couldn't let her out of his sight. He wanted to follow her to the morgue, but they wouldn't let him. They forced him to come back home without her. The others were sitting in the living room, but he was sitting on his bedroom floor staring at the laptop. They all received videos, but he couldn't watch them. He wasn't sure he could handle hearing her voice. Not so soon after.

He was hoping this was all a nightmare and she would come out to give him a hug. He could really use a hug from her. He missed her so much it hurt for him to breathe without her near. He took a deep breath and finally clicked the space bar. Leah sighed and rubbed her palms on her pants.

"I wrote down some things I needed to make sure to say," She smiled at the camera. Lando shook his head as he took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry if you didn't get to say goodbye to me, believe me, that is not something I would have wanted to do to any of you. Well, I'm not saying I wanted to die either, or that I'm going to," Leah sighed and looked at the camera. "God this is horribly morbid I'm like putting it in the air." She sighed.

"Well, it's just an insurance policy," Another woman's voice was heard.

"Oh Lando won't know who you are," She turned the camera to show a woman in a suit. She gave a small wave from her desk.

"Don't make the video too long though Leah, unless you want it to be that long That's fine, This is your goodbye video, but you told me to remind you to look at your card," Leah laughed as she set up the camera once again. Lando paused the video as his whole body shook. He couldn't hear her laugh. He would never be able to hear her laugh in person again. Only from old videos and now this. Her goodbye video. There was a knock on the door and Lando shook his head as he cried.

"Why," He could barely get the words out.

"She didn't want to go either," Lando was surprised to hear his best mate's voice. He must have flown from London as soon as the crash happened. Lando shot up from the floor and hugged Max as he sobbed. Lando's legs gave to as they both sank to the floor.

"I can't," Lando sobbed as he looked back at the screen. "I can't hear her laugh, or see her smile, I won't ever see that again, Max. I won't hear her sing or hear her speak with Pippin. She's gone and there wasn't anything I could do to save her. She's gone. My Leah is gone and I didn't even get to say goodbye to her." Lando felt like he could throw up. His entire body hurt. It hurt him to move, to breathe, to think. It hurt him to feel.

"I know Mate, but she made the videos for you, you don't have to watch it now, but she wanted you to watch it," Max breathed as he tried his best not to cry as well. He had also gotten a video. He'd watched it on the plane ride over. It was mostly a thank you video for treating Lando so well growing up and always being there for him. She also asked him for one last request. To make sure that Lando watched the video. In a few days, in a few months, even years. She just wanted some kind of insurance so that he would be able to hear her goodbye. Lando leaned away from Max and grabbed the laptop dragging it back toward him. He wiped his face and pressed play. Max still sat in the doorway watching as a small smile appeared on Lando's face as he saw Leah on the screen.

"I hope you got to say goodbye to me, but if you didn't I'm sorry. I know, I knew just how that felt. So I wanted to make sure that I could say goodbye to you," on the screen, Leah fiddled with her ring. "I love you so much," She started to tear up. She took a deep breath and smiled again. "It's probably a borderline obsession if I'm being honest," Leah laughed and Lando pulled the screen closer to him as he sobbed. "I know we thought we had this whole life ahead of us, but for some reason, I always doubted that. But I know you didn't, at least I hope you didn't. I always pictured us older, you with some weird salt and pepper hair and then me, wrinkled beyond recognition since I don't use sunscreen," Leah laughed again as she looked over at her notepad. "I know it was irresponsible of me to continue racing with my condition, but I couldn't help myself. I've grown up knowing I was meat for one thing racing. My dad wanted me to, my mother wanted me to and my brothers always thought I was the coolest since I had the better-paying job. I'm sorry Lan. I'm sorry I was so selfish," Leah wiped away her tears. "I hope one day you can forgive me for the decisions that I made. I hope you can forgive me for not telling you about any of this sooner, I know it wasn't right, but I was scared. I was scared of how you would react and I knew if anyone could talk me out of racing it would be you," She wiped away the stray tears as she was handed tissues. "Thank you." Lando pressed pause and shook his head.