Here are some facts (15 of them) about unicorns.
1. Unicorns poop and barf out rainbows (omg, it comes out both ends!).
2. They also pee out solid crystals, which gypsies collect to sell to stupid people (like me) who believe in magic.
3. Unicorns sleep on clouds, and spend all day prancing around on rainbows. Since they barf and poop rainbows, this proves that they walk all day on their own bodily waste.
4. Unicorns have horns so that they can make human kebabs (to eat later). Do not commit any sins, or the unicorn will find you. Unicorns were sent from Satan, not God.
5. If you touch a unicorns horn (not the unicorns horn touches you), then you will turn into a jelly baby and the unicorn will eat you.
9. If it isn't apparent, unicorns eat candy and lollies and other sugary things.
10. Unicorns were sent to Earth (by Satan) to help the fairies. Fairies all need fairy dust to help them keep their magical powers. Fairy dust is the powder you get when you crush up and grind human bones.
11. Unicorn foals are made of pure gold, making them invincible. They are left by their mothers early on, but they don't care because they're invincible (I mean duh, would you care?).
12. If you touch a unicorn foal, it will stare at you until you leave. Most people find that, when they get back from their day out, and arrive back home, their house is plagued by small, flying rats with pink, sparkly wings and big, adorable eyes. However, most people who saw this no longer live in this home of theirs, and instead live in a big house together. It's called the mad house (a.k.a insane asylum).
13. Just like a horse, baby unicorns are called foals.
14. Unicorns have silver blood, which can be drank to make you immortal (at a great cost. Only people who have nothing to lose and only things to gain should drink it).
15. In order to remove a unicorn horn, you must give the unicorn a hundred dollars as a bribe.
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Things I thought should be written down
HumorDid you know that unicorns pee out crystals? And that the world is run by tiny little men made of birch wood that use magic potions to make it turn? Did you know that your dreams are brought to you by flying rats with glittery pink wings? Wanna know...
