Wildflowers // Yellowjackets

Water Lilies

When Natalie first awoke to the cool breeze wafting through her open window she breathed deeply. The sensation of the cold air filling her sinuses was reviving and quickly became integrated into her early morning rituals, stuck fast as a way of clearing out her mind.

Every January sunrise, light would sleep through the cracks of her trailer's broken shutters and she would inhale. Slow at first and then back out.

This way she could keep the thoughts at bay.

She despised herself for thinking them. For loving as she did. It was self destructive for Nat to allow herself to feel so deeply about anything at all when it could so easily slip away from her.

Realisation had hit her like a ton of bricks. She broke her promise. She was made to feel small and weak and foolish and wrong.

But at the same time she was overcome by warmth. Her roving thoughts could finally be occupied by something other than cautious suspicions and distrust. Her conscience devoured the idea of loving someone. Her every moment was spent lost in her own head.

She couldn't be hurt there.

Not a soul could touch her.

*****

Spring 1995

Wiskayok highschool's annual camping trip had finally come around and, luckily enough for them, the Yellowjackets' weekend matches had been postponed, their schedule freed up in the nick time.

Because of course none of them could wait to move into soggy looking green tents and be eaten alive by bugs each morning and evening.

They boarded the bus begrudgingly, Nat securing two seats at the back to sit and place her bags on, Van and Tai perching in the row in front. For the next two hours she was stuck switching between nirvana tracks and PJ Harvey on the well loved mixtape Van had gifted her a couple years prior.

The forest park they were brought to was rocky and encompassed by gentle sloped mountains; their tents were pitched besides a dark watered pond with a surface obscured by white lilies. It was peaceful deep into the trees, secluded and spattered by golden sunlight that peaked between leaves.

But soon enough the shouts of excitable teens erupted from all angles to intrude upon the silence and chase off the illusion of calm.

Nat discarded her belongings on the floor of a large tent with a rolled up door furthest from the teacher's building.

The Yellowjacket girls were to be sharing, as was expected and Nat was willing to abide by the plan that conveniently placed her in a living space with Lottie Matthews. If for nothing but to laugh at her reaction to being thrown into the woods and away from the world of chauffeurs and king sized beds.

Eventually, they unrolled their foam rectangles that couldn't quite pass as mattresses and set out blankets and sleeping bags on top, lining the inside edges of the tent with bags of clothes and toothbrushes and hidden flasks.

For the rest of the afternoon they remained warm and tucked away, complaining about rocks under the groundsheet and the rain that pattered inconsistently down.

Nat couldn't truthfully express any discomfort nor dislike towards the situation when she had almost not convinced her parents to even let her go in the first place, Lottie having paid for both her and Van before they could dispute.

She was grateful she got to go at all. But no one would ever know that.

"I think I'm bruised from just lying here for five minutes" Jackie whined to no one in particular.