L O C K -U P | c. leclerc

19| Spanish Prince

C. Sainz Jr.

I regret everything.

I fucking regret everything I said.

It's been an hour and she still hasn't replied. I'm going to lose my mind. I remember it all vividly. I remember how roughly I touched her and the way she winced when I kept on shoving her into the door. I don't know what's happening to me. One minute I know that I adore her, and the next minute I hate how she tortures me. Mierda, this is so stupid.

I went on a rant to her that she was always going to choose Charles over me, and what I've done would have certainly sealed that fate. I still had this insane urge to win her back, I know I've done so much wrong but I can't keep wasting my opportunities with her. She came to me to apologise but I pushed her away.

I found her first, he doesn't get to have her.

I swallowed my pride and left the hotel, ordering a cab to her hotel. I wasn't thinking straight enough to drive. My hands began to sweat, I was anxious to see her. She still hasn't replied and I don't even know if she'll want to see me but I still have to try. I don't know what I'd do with myself if I lose her because I didn't try.

As the hotel came to view, I was hit by memories. It was the same hotel Charles and I stayed in for the previous season. I remember how we were filming a segment for the Ferrari instagram page and how we were laughing at how stupid we were at riddles. The laughter, the secrets, and all the inside jokes, but all the friendship boiled down to was the argument we had at that press conference when I announced I was leaving.

I hate myself for it but not as much as what I had to endure to protect him.

Charles was always going to be Ferrari's golden boy and they all made that very clear. Strategies were made to let him win. They always ask me to let him pass so he would get the points. But the one time, Silverstone 2022, when I knew I had the car with better conditions, I chose to win. Only some of the crew were happy for me. How is that fair?

I was a team player for Charles' quest for the championship but couldn't he see that I wanted to win too? How is it fair for me to just sit quiet and let him win when I know I'm just as good. What have I ever done wrong to not deserve a winning strategy?

The thoughts played on and on until the cab driver said, "Sir, are you going to get off?"

Fuck. I'm daydreaming again. I immediately paid and got out the cab. The concierge already were familiar with me and didn't bother asking if I needed help. Reception knew as well and gave me a card to help me get up the hotel.

Fuck. I can't stop thinking about her, it's consuming me. It's consuming me thinking about how she looked at me when I yelled at her. She looked scared of me, worst of all, I felt like she regretted being with me at all.

Finally, when I arrived in front of Artemis' hotel room door, I braced myself.

Do I have the strength to get her back? Mierda.