Random Encounters RE-writes

Cult of the lamb

Written by me

Good day and welcome to the Cult of the RAM!
We've got lots of stores full of scammy stuff,
That people never get tired of
We won't send pamphlets out or pelt you with spam-
-I promise! You'll be the BEST to serve the RAM!

We'll toil all day and steal RAMs at night,
Before we dance in the nude around the fire light!
Then you'll see how we make money
With out crappy PCs
Help us smite our acolytes in sacrificial rite!

I don't really know...
Sounds a bit intense...
Help us scam people till it makes sense!

Come join our family in the Cult of the RAM!
You'll love our dice games and daily sermons
between phishing competitions!
Sure, AJ calls our cult a fraud and a scam-
-Whatever! It's not so baaad to serve the RAM!

I can help with your darkest desires...
All your wildest dreams can come true!
Indoctrination's the hip new sensation
And pure adulation's all I need from you!

Have a byte and become enlightened!
Take my hand and prepare to be blessed!
Your robe is ready! Let's break out confetti!
Now all you gotta say is-

"No!" "Watt?"

Walking away from Apple's no solution!
Bow and follow or embrace execution!
Doubters are sinners, the source of dissension!
Where heretics burn, others earn their ascension!

...There, there. I can see you're repentant,
and I happen to need a cleaning station attendant...
My crew is my team, and you've heard my stern warning,
so there's no need to make you clean the store until morning!

You'll fit right in within the Cult of the RAM!
We offer low rates on resurrection,
plus a growing spam collection!

And if our "disk-o" club just isn't your jam,
no worries! Try out a full confession
Half off your soul possession!
Welcome to the Cult of the RAM!