Storm // Matty Healy ♣ The 1975

16. pearls

Lizzy's POV

—-

I had spent years trying to block out everything that Margaret did to me. At first it was marrying my dad, then shouting at me, refusing to feed me, hitting me and finally, all four. 

Anyway, for the first time in the whole ten years I had known her, I had been relatively close to forgetting it. Sure, it was still all there in the back of my mind, but I had more important things to worry about. But then suddenly I came face-to-face with Margaret again and it felt like I had literally taken two steps backwards. For once in our relationship, both me and Matty were both equally as fucked up. 

It was ten o'clock when we got back. My dad was in bed and Margaret was waiting for us at the kitchen table, sitting there, like an all seeing eye, or some shit like that. 

"You've been out a while. I thought you wouldn't come back." She said to us. I shook my head. 

"I was this close." I said, holding my hand up and creating an almost microscopic gap between my thumb and forefinger. 

"What were you doing?" She asked. 

I was so angry. So fucking angry, and Matty would have probably told me I had a reason to be, but I didn't need Matty's opinion on that, not then at least. 

"We were fucking in a bathroom cubicle." I told her fearlessly. I could almost /hear/ Matty's eyes roll out of his head. She opened her mouth to say something, but shut it again, so then I grabbed Matty's hand and walked upstairs with him, fairly quickly, just in case. 

"I can't believe you said that." Matty laughed breathlessly as I shut and locked my bedroom door behind us. 

My eyes began stinging, my vision blurring slightly. 

"Fuck, did you see her face?" 

I cut him off with a loud, high-pitched, uncontrollable whine. 

I cried into his shoulder for about four hours until he finally dropped off, and I continued crying into his sleeping form. 

—-

If someone asked me how it felt to wake up on your birthday next to the person you love more than anyone else in the world, and see the sun shining through the window of your childhood bedroom, the light hitting their skin, the blinds creating small lines across their bare back, I would have said amazing, and it was. But when you look closer, and you realise that the person you love more than anyone else in the world's mind is beating them up every day, and that the sun only lasted for two minutes after you opened your eyes, and you spent roughly nine years of your life crying in your bed right next to that window, and that their skin is scarred from a car crash that was completely avoidable and also completely your fault, I don't know what I would have said.

Matty was happy. He said he was, so I guess I kind of tricked myself into thinking he was. 

I ended up blocking out all the terrified whimpers escaping his mouth during the night, his sporadic movements, the fact that most nights I would end up with bruises because he lashed his arms out in his sleep, all of the times we had to walk to places, or walk up and down stairs instead of taking lifts. Kind of how I blocked out the the thoughts of Margaret, or how Matty blocked out my scars; he didn't notice them anymore. 

I couldn't bear listening to his fast, heavy breathing. 

I pushed myself into my pillow. 

I was eighteen. Old enough to do anything, yet I felt no different. 

Don't get me wrong, i didn't expect to jump out of bed and realise I had aged sixteen years, or feel any different because of all of the things I could do, I just expected it to feel a little different. 

"Happy birthday." His voice tore me away from my thoughts. I looked up from my pillow and smiled at him sheepishly. 

"Thanks." I mumbled. 

"You okay?" 

"I'm scared." I admitted, rolling over and sitting up. He placed his hand on my back and smiled at me. 

"Don't be scared." He mumbled into the pillow. He looked relaxed but I could see the sweat on his forehead. I sighed a little and moved to lie down next to him on my side so I was staring directly at him. 

"I've memorised everything about you." I smiled at him softly. He raised an eyebrow. 

"Even my bank details?" He asked, tapping his fingers on the mattress gently to the tune of one of his songs. 

"If I didn't, you'd probably forget them." I pointed out cheekily, making him reach over to tap my nose. 

I wrinkled my eyes shut and smiled a little at him. 

"Oh!" He almost shouted, making me jump a little. "Your present." He said excitedly, leaning over his side of the bed to drag something out from underneath.

I laughed a little at his excitement as he produced a small, long box. 

"Okay," He said, handing it to me. "It's really cliche and shit and you already know what it is, but... I dunno I guess I thought it was good at the time-" 

"Matty-" 

"And I'm sorry it's so small, I ordered something online but it didn't arrive in time so-" 

"Matty shut up." I laughed quietly, leaning over to kiss the side of his head. He looked down at me nervously. 

"Sorry." He chuckled. I shook my head before carefully opening the box to reveal a thin pearl necklace. I smiled at him.

"Fuck, I love you." I laughed, setting the box down on my lap and leaning over to wrap my arms around his neck. He ran his fingers over the back of my neck.

"You like it, then? I mean it's a little dated but..."

"I love it, Matty. Thank you." I pulled back and grinned at him.