EXILE//Grayson Hawthorne [3]

Chapter 12 - Cardigan

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"To kiss in cars and downtown bars
Was all we needed
You drew stars around my scars
But now I'm bleedin'"
- Taylor Swift
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Grayson's P.O.V

"No."

Jess's words echo through me, crushing me, shattering me, breaking me into even smaller pieces than I already was.

I wasn't sure what to say, my mouth wide in shock, my heart beating to fast.

No.

No.

No.

This wasn't supposed to happen. I had vowed that I would marry her a year ago. Then she had left. Leaving a hole in my heart that she once filled. Then Alex came along, the guy who held her heart and wasn't letting it go. When I heard they were engaged I shut down. I was terrible to her and the people I loved. I have been ever sense Jess left when I was sixteen.

But I got her back. I got myself back. And yet, Jess still said no.

"What?" My words barley come out in a whisper.

Jess looks down upon me, her eyes filled pity and confusion, as if she was also questioning why she didn't say yes.

"Grayson, I'm so sorry—"

"Why?" I ask, standing up and backing away.

Jess looks away, her hand fiddling with the necklace on her neck. One I know her mother got her.

"I'm not ready." She says, still not meeting my eyes.

"You were with Alex." I don't even have it in me to raise my voice.

Jess shakes her head. "We both know I wasn't." She pauses. "I said yes because I wanted to prove to him—and myself—that I didn't love you." She pauses again, her voice cracking. "But clearly that didn't work."

"If you love me," I begin. "Why don't you want to marry me?"

Jess takes a deep breath in. "Because I can't rush into anything again. I can't hurt you like the way I hurt Alex."

"You're worried we'd break up?" I ask, slightly taken aback.

"Grayson, we aren't really known for having a long term relationship. We've broken up three times—" Jess begins.

"You don't think we'd last, do you?" I question again.

"Grayson I want us too. I want us to be together. Forever and always. That's why I don't want to rush into such a big commitment. Can you understand that?" Jess asks, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.