The Curious Condition of Being Human

Chapter 13

Aziraphale hoped that Anathema hadn't truly disappeared and instead had just gotten pulled in the flow of exiting patrons, or slipped away to use the restroom. But the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach told him that something else was going on.

"Oh, I swear she was just here a moment ago!" said Aziraphale, his voice and body language full of worry as he darted around, pushing against the crowd and peeking around corners for signs of Anathema.

"She can't have gotten too far," said Crowley. That was not exactly true. The stadium was designed to empty quickly, and the crowds were rather aggressive in their exiting.

Then, he canted his head as he caught sight of something and headed off toward the right. "This way."

Aziraphale darted to keep up with Crowley's long-legged stride. He really wanted to sink into the relief of the demon's return and the thwarting of the soul games. But instead, he was stuck with guilt at bringing Anathema into harm's way. "What do you see?"

"Demons," said Crowley. He led Aziraphale down a long corridor to where a merchandise booth had been.

At the end of the corridor was a wart-covered demon with spider webs dripping off of him. He had Anathema by the back of the neck and was flanked by two other low-ranking demons.

"I'd appreciate if you get me away from this idiot. He stinks," said Anathema as she tried to pull away from her captor.

"Oi! Let her go. She's not the one you want," said Crowley as he stepped up to the demon.

"No, she's not," came a voice from behind them. "But it certainly was a convenient way to get your attention.

Aziraphale turned to see Beelzebub standing there, one hand in their pocket.

"Have them unhand her at once!" Aziraphale croaked.

A moment later, there was a white flash and Michael appeared, along with four cherubs. One had the head of an ox, the other an eagle, the other, a lion, and the fourth looked like a cute little chubby human toddler.

"You two traitors are a huge pain in my arse, do you realize that?" said Michael as they stepped forward. The cherubs danced around and clung to the archangel's ankles or tried to clamber up them. As they touched each other, they merged for a moment, before pulling apart as if their bodies were made of taffy.

"Mine, too," said Beelzebub as they flashed an unkind smile with black-stained teeth. "We tried to keep you out of this so that you wouldn't have a moral conniption over the soul games, but you two had to find a way to get involved anyway."

"You couldn't kill us," said Crowley with a stoic calm as he stood close by Aziraphale. "What made you think you could succeed in changing our memories?"

Both Michael and Beelzebub scowled at them.

"Now look, all of you!" said Aziraphale as he did his best to summon courage. He stepped forward in front of Crowley. "These games are not sanctioned!"

"And how would you know that?" asked Michael curtly. Then they nudged at the cherubs to stop them from clambering around. "Not now!" The creatures made weird, inhuman noises and pointed at Crowley. "Yes, yes. The demon who stole your feather. I'll deal with him."

The ox-headed one rubbed its wing where there was a small gap and glared at Crowley.

"You weren't wrong about those things being creepy," Anathema deadpanned.

The eagle-headed one hissed at her and swiped at her leg.

"I know they aren't sanctioned, because this isn't how soul games are supposed to work. You've bent the definition so far that it's completely unrecognizable. What good is judging humans over their actions in a few hours other than for you to feel like you've got yourself a tally of who's coming out on top?" said Aziraphale.