no-one saw me (not in the way you did)

Chapter 5

"You're seriously fucked up, Kyle. What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"You said that? Jesus, Stan, that's fucking cold, even for you." They're sitting in a crowded school bus, on their way home. The sunlight peeks in through grimy windows, watery orange rays that are bright enough to make Stan squint under the brim of his hat, but not enough to warm him up. Kenny's resting his chin atop his backpack, eyes wandering worriedly towards his friend. Stan stares out of the window, avoidant, expression stony.

His coat is zipped up to his chin and his arms are folded defiantly across his chest. A subtle chill is settled in the school bus, seeping its way deep into Stan's bones. He pulls his arms closer around him and turns slightly to face the window. People chatter obliviously around the pair. They don't know their problems. They most likely wouldn't care.

"Whatever. What makes him think he can do that to me? Like, I know I haven't been great. But why drag hockey into it?" There's a bite in his tone, hurt in his eyes, bitterness in his heart.

It's been days since the argument in the parking lot. Stan has let his hurt brew, spilling over after countless nudges from Kenny for anything, anything he dares confess to his friend. There are details he hasn't let slip, ones he feels would ruin him as a Captain. Like how Ike has been radio silent, not picking up his calls, not knocking on his door with flimsy excuses to tour the town. The shame of losing both Broflovski's, to his own selfishness, no less, is almost too much for Stan to bear.

"Dude, that's just not like Kyle at all. Did you even ask him what he meant?" Kenny inquires, pulling up the hood of his parka to shield his already-red ears from the cold. It's a look not too dissimilar from when they were eight and tripping over their shoelaces, in clothes much too big for them and hearts set to burst from their Terrance and Phillip t-shirts.

Not too dissimilar from when Cartman would catch Kyle staring at the back of Stan's head for a second too long and call him names, when they'd all laugh about it and the secret looks and touches didn't quite matter so much. From when Kenny began to wear no hood at all, and when said secret looks seemed to mean so much more and occur so much less.

"Yes." Stan says curtly, like he's had to state it a million times over, "I told you, he wants me to quit. No fucking doubt he'll pull something to get me kicked off the team."

"Oh, yeah, no doubt." Craig's nasally voice comes floating from the row behind them, "Were you not listening when I told you he used bribes? No fucking way was he ever good enough to go to Regionals. Broflovski's sketchy."

"Fuck off, Tucker." Kenny twists in his seat to face him. Stan stays unmoving, but the smirk he knows is coating Craig's face is ever present in his head. "Where'd you even hear that from, anyway, Cartman? You're a fucking liar."

Craig is standing, leaning over the back of the seat to meet Kenny's eyes. Presumably, Tweek is seated next to him. His looming presence is suffocating, and annoying; his input is the last thing that Stan wants to hear right now.

"Can you both just fucking shut up?" Stan's tone is loud and firm. Both of them fall silent as they turn to face him, a little surprised at his outburst.

Stan sometimes finds himself being surprised at his own fits of anger, too.

"Whatever." Craig falls back into his seat. Tweek jumps a little at the sudden movement but makes no attempt to join the conversation.

The bus slows to a halt. A few students begin to stand, grabbing their bags and shuffling down the aisle. Craig is one of them, reaching for Tweek's hand in the process.

"Don't say I didn't warn you, Marsh. Broflovski's bad news." He pulls Tweek behind him as he makes his way towards the doors.

Stan scowls, lifting a hand to flip off Craig. "Could say the same about you." He's muttering foul insults under his breath, face like thunder.