almost | taylor swift au

chapter 40

Just as soon as the door shuts behind Jett, as he walks out of the Lower East Side concert venue, Taylor feels her whole body start to shake. The confidence instantly leaves her body as a different emotion takes over. She instantly runs into the green room, into Gracie's arms. And she starts to cry.

She doesn't know why. She's not distraught over Jett- not anymore. But, a lot of old feelings seem to resurface. She's shaken, she's angry, she's upset. She doesn't know what to do, except cry on Gracie's shoulder.

She hates this. She hates that she's here again, crying to Gracie again, and it's still over Jett. She thought that she was done with this months ago. It really has been three months since she put their time together in the grave, buried it in the ground and put it to rest. It has been three months since she shed a single tear over him. But here she is, on the most important night of her life, breaking down over that godforsaken man.

Gracie feels her heart break as she watches Taylor fall apart. Her heart was so fragile, having just healed, and here it is, breaking all over again. She can't believe that this is happening; she can't believe that Jett had the audacity to show up and ruin the night like that. And now, Gracie is holding Taylor as she sobs over the man who she had thought was out of her life forever.

"Hey, it's okay," Gracie says softly, rubbing her friend's back. "He's a douche. It's okay to cry."

"I'm sorry. This is so stupid," Taylor manages out between sobs.

Nervously, Gracie checks the time on her phone. There's only ten minutes now until Taylor has to go on. There's still an uneaten pizza and the blonde singer is inconsolable. But as Gracie is holding her phone with the time on the screen, Taylor sees it.

"What am I doing?" she says. "I can't go on. Gracie, I can't do this. Not tonight. Not when... well, what if he's in the audience? What if he bought a ticket?"

"He better hadn't have," Gracie retorts. "Taylor, come on. You can do this. You've worked so hard."

"No, Grac... I can't." She lets out another round of sobs. They're violent, intense. Her whole body is shaking. She's cried in a way that she really hasn't cried since they first ended things. Taylor hates herself for the fact that this is affecting her as much as it is. But she can't think straight. She doesn't think she'd be able to recall a single word to her songs on her setlist. She just isn't ready for this, not at all. Not after what just happened.

Gracie bites her lip. She doesn't know what to do. She was so excited for Taylor, but she really is in a pretty desolate state. Just as she is searching for the right words to say, they hear a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Gracie asks.

"Anthony."

Gracie looks to Taylor. "Can he come in? Can you try to dry some of the tears, sit up on your own?"

Taylor sighs. She feels so small on the soft couch that feels like it is swallowing her whole. She pulls her body away from Gracie, where she was leaning, and sits up on her own, then bringing her knees up to her chest. Timidly, she nods.

So, Gracie calls to Anthony to come on in.

When the man walks in, he instantly sees Taylor curled up into a little ball on the couch. He sees Gracie looking concerned. He knows something is wrong. "Hey, what's up?" he asks, walking over to the pair. "They're ready for you in just a few minutes, Taylor..."

She shakes her head rapidly. "I can't go out there."

Anthony takes a breath in. "Tay... everyone gets stage fright. Come on, I need you to be brave and go out there. It'll be better the second you get going, I promise."