Mr. Murphy's Mattress

xv. It's So Painful

A few weeks went by, and slowly, you felt as your relationship with Cillian wasn't as great as it had been.

For instance, you two fought more often, and usually an angry Cillian would leave at night for hours and come back with a thick scent of alcohol in his breath.

Sometimes, he would come back and fuck the shit out of you.

Other times, he came home and cried.

But you knew deep down you still loved him even if he wasn't alright in the head.

One night, things got particularly worse when Cillian had drunken too much at a bar and came home almost insane.

" You are so hot," Cillian mumbled, slurring his speech as he almost tumbled over to you. "Come on baby, let's go have fun."

"No," you sighed, holding him up by his arms. "You can't keep doing this honey."

"Come here," he whispered drunkenly before pushing you up against the wall, completely unaware of what he was doing.

"No," you said again, this time much more firm and you watched as Cillian let go of you. He stared at you confused. "You're fucking pathetic," you whispered.

"Why?" He asked, his eyelids blinking very slowly.

"Because you just did that shit," you motioned to the wall and watched as he came back to you. "Don't touch me," you whispered as his hands went to your waist.

"Let me take you to bed," he mumbled almost incoherently. You sighed and walked into the bedroom with him, but when he tried to lay you down you slapped him across the face.

"Fuck!" He shouted, grabbing his cheek.

"Stop trying to have sex with me, please," you urged, shaking his arms. He stared down at you, breathing heavily. "You're scaring me," you said.

Cillian eventually gave up and basically passed out next to you, his hair a mess and his mouth open as he slept.

-

"I had no idea," Cillian said quietly, covering his mouth. He watched in guilt as you sat in bed, sobbing. "Come here," he whispered, but before he could hug you, you pushed him away.

"No," you said quietly, wiping your tears. "You're scary."

Cillian's heart sank as he heard the words leave your mouth, and he wanted so badly to hold you and comfort you.

"You have to quit drinking," you said, looking up at him. "But until then, I want you out of the house."

"Darling," Cillian sighed. "Why don't you want to just hug me and stay here?"

"Oh, you think I don't wanna hug you?" You asked, laughing a bit. "I want that skin contact so bad, but I can't let you think that your behavior is okay."

"It's so painful," he admitted, looking down at you.

"Oh, shut up," you groaned, getting up from the bed. "I thought maybe for a second I would kiss you, hold your hand."

"Honey," Cillian sighed, getting up and walking over to you.

"Fuck off!" You shouted, tears filling your eyes. He looked at you before grabbing his keys and coat and leaving quietly.